Sunday morning, while I was feeling sorry for myself and thinking, "I only got to have my baby with me for five months..." blah, blah, blah. It hit me. I should feel privileged that I was chosen by God to give this precious girl life for five whole months. Instead of being mad my family didn't get to know her, I should be glad that I was able to know her the way I did. God chose me. He could have given her to anyone, but he gave her to me. Although I would have like to keep her here longer, that was not the plan. I got to know her better than anyone else in this world and I feel privileged. I am so glad that I was chosen to be her mother. I am so glad that I was chosen. I don't feel that I even deserved to have her, or know her. But God chose me! Instead of being mad, I'm thankful! She is a great gift, and touched my life in ways I never knew possible.
It feels so good to let my anger go. Instead, I have embraced the fact that I was chosen to spend those entire five months with her. Although it was much shorter that I anticipated, it was five months I will cherish forever. It was a privledge, and I'd do it again.
That doesn't mean I don't ask why. I want to know why did my baby have to have such a short life! But, that doesn't mean I'm not greatful for the life she did have. I trusted God with her life, and was never one of those mothers who worried about everything. I really felt everything was going to be ok. It didn't turn out like I thought it would. I never anticipated her leaving so soon. But, I would never give back those five months I got to spend with her. Feeling her move inside me. Loving her. Growing her.
Five months well spent.