Sunday, April 25, 2010


I didn't realize it's been two weeks since I've posted anything here.

That infection really kicked my butt, and I have just now began to feel better.

The truth is I haven't had much to write. I have things I want to write about, things I think about. But when it comes down to typing them out I go blank.

My step-daughter is struggling with extreme morning sickness during this pregnancy. She was on a clear liquid diet a few weeks ago and had to resort to methods other than pills to stop her vomiting. When she was pregnant with her son I was so excited. We talked about the baby every day, and we shopped all the time. This time around I don't feel the same excitment. That's not to say I'm not excited, because I am. But I feel distant this time. I'm afraid that my distance during the pregnancy is going to mean I'm distant when the baby comes, especially if it's a girl. (I have a feeling that this baby is a girl.) I am afraid that I will not love this baby with my whole heart like I do my grandson. I know that once I see the baby I will fall in love. Logically, I know that.

But I can't help worrying that my relationship with this baby is going to be affected by the loss of my own baby.

I can't help but worry.

Sunday, April 11, 2010


A few things have happened this week. WeA booked our trip to Hawaii. Going in July. YIKES! I do not do well on a plane. I've only flown a few times, and it is not my favorite thing. It's actually my least favorite thing to do. Seriously. But it is a corporate trip, and my (wonderful) boss is paying for most of the trip for both my husband and myself- and he's not even expecting me to attend any of the corporate events! He just wants to say thank you for a job well done! So we will be spending 8 days in Hawaii, and I have to say I'm really excited. My husband and I haven't been on vacation alone (besides a weekend away) since our honeymoon. I'm already feeling guilty for leaving my son with my mom- but I shoudln't. He's going on a class trip for a week in September, and he's also going to Washington DC for a week in July.

I've been out of commission for the past few days- kidney & bladder infection. I didn't feel good the day before, but I thought it was a UTI, drank some cranberry juice and figured I go to the doctors if I didn't feel better the next day. I had no idea how sick I really was. I got up and went to work the next day. I was so fricking sick! I went to go to the bathroom and I literally felt like someone was kicking me in the back. The pain was so intense- it was a close second to my rupture. I ended up having to have my boss drive me home because I couldn't drive. I thought I was going to pass out. The doctor gave me some pretty strong antibiotics, and I felt better within a day. I still feel pretty crappy though. I went to the grocery store with my husband, and I was feeling faint. I must have been a lot sicker than I realized.

Also, my husband is the best. While I slept the day away, he cleaned the whole house, did the dishes, washed all the laundry (and folded it and put it away! Didn't just dump it on my bed.) He's such a good guy.

Tuesday, April 6, 2010


My four year old grandson was visiting today. He was walking around the house looking at pictures. He looked at a picture of Brenna, and said, "GG, that baby looks like you!"

You might think that it broke my heart to hear that but it didn't.

It warmed my heart.

Even thinking about it now makes me feel all warm and gushy inside. It was one of the best things anyone has said to me in a long time.

Sunday, April 4, 2010

MY "BABY" IS 13!

My son turned thirteen yesterday. I seriously can not believe it. He is getting to the age where he perfers his friends over his parents. :(

He's growing up so fast, and as I watch him grow I can not believe that he is mine. Still. I can't believe it. He is such an amazing person, and I feel so blessed that he was given to me. He's smart, and funny, and handsome. (And I'm not just saying that because I'm his mom!). He is the light of my life. Everything I do in this life, I do for him.

I can not imagine my life without him.

I thank God for him everyday.