My husband and I went several years without birth control because I was told I didn't ovulate and couldn't get pregnant. Then, in December of 2007, I found out I was pregnant. After the initial shock I was ecstatic. I knew right from the beginning that we were having a little girl. I had always wanted a girl, and I knew I was finally getting her!

My pregnancy with her was difficult. I had bleeding early on, and have several miscarriage scares. At one point the nurse read my blood results wrong, and instead of 20,000 told me my hgc levels were 2,000 making me assume I was losing the baby. Only to find out later that, nope, there's not only a baby in there, she's healthy! It was definitely a roller coaster ride to say the least. 

My step-daughter was married at the end of February. It was a lot of work, and the following week I didn't feel well. I chalked it up to the flu since a few people at the wedding came down with it. Towards the end of the week on Thursday February 27th I was bedridden. I have never experienced stomach cramps like that before. My husband had to help me get out of bed, I threw up everything I put in my mouth, and to make matters worse my shoulder started hurting from propping myself up. 

The next day I started to feel somewhat better. I wasn't 100%, but I figured I was just going to take longer to recover. Over the weekend I felt weak, but not horrible. I felt like a pregnant lady recovering from the flu. 

On Tuesday March 4th I woke up and felt awful. I kept feeling like I had to go to the bathroom, but couldn't pee. My car was in the shop, so I called my husband and told him he was going to have to give me a ride to the doctors after work. Either that or take me to the ER to get an IV because I assumed I was getting dehydrated from having the flu. 

This is where the story gets very long. I will cut it short and tell you that we discovered what I thought was the flu was actually my uterus rupturing. The pain I was having in my shoulder was from internal hemorrhaging. (You can read the parts of the day I remember here. You can read the entire story here.) I had surgery to save my life and my baby did not survive. 

My daughter Brenna was delivered stillborn early in the morning on March 5, 2008. 

This is my story of life without her. 

Some of the ways we remember our girl:

A figurine from a childhood friend.

My ring with her birthstone.

A 90 year old man I never met made these for me after he
heard my story.

Her name in the sand and a dragonfly candle holder.

I was having a horrible day, and really thinking about her,
when I went out to get the mail I saw this beautiful
sun reflecting off the snow, it brought me so much peace.
 I'm not one for "signs', but this caught me in the heart. 

Ruby dragonfly necklace from my mother.

Christmas ornament with her name engraved.
Also from my mother.

B necklace, because I'm B's Mom :)

My tattoo for her.

Stone my mother bought for her grave.

I like to wear anything with dragonflies.
This one was from Old Navy.

My brother's tattoo for her.
From the beautiful Carley at To Write Their Names In The Sand
Written on the beach in Australia.