Saturday, January 24, 2009


Yesterday morning as I was laying in bed, I cracked a joke and made myself laugh. My husband looked at me in a way that only husbands do, and said, "You're Happy Holli again, aren't you?" He then told me he hasn't seen me laugh so much in a long time. His friends wife works with me, and he told me that she said I seem very upbeat and happy all the time at work.

There have been times since Brenna's birth/death that I have had no hope for the future. I would try to find something to look forward to, and I just couldn't. Everything felt hopeless. On the outside, I looked fine (at least I thought I did). People would think I was "doing great". But those who really know me, knew that I wasn't myself. I was just existing- wading through life. Taking this job was probably the best thing for me. I really love it. I'm good at it. I'm happier than I've been in 10 1/2 months. I really am. My husband said I don't yell at him anymore. That kind of made me feel bad. I didn't realize I was yelling at him a lot, and he didn't say anything, he just took it. I guess it's true what they say- you take it out on those closest to you. He said he sees the old, happy me coming back, and he's missed it.

So have I.


CLC said...

It's amazing how resilient we are, isn't it? I am happy you are feeling happy:)

Mrs. Mother said...

I am glad you are feeling happy, too. The other day, I realized I felt better than I had in a long time, and I think part of it for me was that I was no longer at that awful job I had. Being happy with your work really does make a difference.

Mrs. Spit said...

I'm so glad.