Yesterday morning as I was laying in bed, I cracked a joke and made myself laugh. My husband looked at me in a way that only husbands do, and said, "You're Happy Holli again, aren't you?" He then told me he hasn't seen me laugh so much in a long time. His friends wife works with me, and he told me that she said I seem very upbeat and happy all the time at work.
There have been times since Brenna's birth/death that I have had no hope for the future. I would try to find something to look forward to, and I just couldn't. Everything felt hopeless. On the outside, I looked fine (at least I thought I did). People would think I was "doing great". But those who really know me, knew that I wasn't myself. I was just existing- wading through life. Taking this job was probably the best thing for me. I really love it. I'm good at it. I'm happier than I've been in 10 1/2 months. I really am. My husband said I don't yell at him anymore. That kind of made me feel bad. I didn't realize I was yelling at him a lot, and he didn't say anything, he just took it. I guess it's true what they say- you take it out on those closest to you. He said he sees the old, happy me coming back, and he's missed it.
So have I.
I started this blog in 2008 after the stillbirth of my daughter. Now it's not just about loss, but about life.
3 comments:
It's amazing how resilient we are, isn't it? I am happy you are feeling happy:)
I am glad you are feeling happy, too. The other day, I realized I felt better than I had in a long time, and I think part of it for me was that I was no longer at that awful job I had. Being happy with your work really does make a difference.
I'm so glad.
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