This is a follow up to this post. Kristi made some very good comments, and I've been thinking about them. (I also want to thank Kristi for leaving me that comment. I don't want anyone to ever feel afraid to comment on something if they disagree with me. I welcome everyone's comments. I am not easily offended. It also helps me to sort our my thoughts if someone offers a different opinion. )
I totally understand what she is saying. I guess it doesn't make sense. I just know that for me, it seems so much easier because I didn't have to labor and birth her. If I had, I know that I would have been in a much worse place emotionally. I know I would have. I did not have to make any tough decisions- they were all made for me. That made the process easier, for me. Maybe not for everyone. But for me, because there were never any "what if's" for me. The decisions were all made. I never had to second guess myself. It was easier to move forward.
It does bother me that someone who looses a baby at 14 weeks is said to have suffered a miscarriage, while someone who looses a baby at 20 is said to have a stillbirth. Why is there a difference? I also think that as a society we look at stillbirths as far more devastating then miscarriages. It's socially acceptable to take time off from work after a stillbirth, but not after a miscarriage. It's OK to name your stillborn baby, but people get kind of squeamish if you name a baby that was miscarried in the first trimester. I don't think it's right or fair.
When I wrote my previous post I hope I didn't make anyone thing that I was minimizing their loss. That was not my intention. All I was saying is that for me I know that I had an easier time dealing with my loss because of the reasons I stated. Had things been different, I would have been different. If I had to be induced and go into labor and give birth to a dead child you bet your butt I would have been in a much worse place emotionally. That is a given. One does not expereince that unscathed. I feel that I had it easier (so to speak) because I did not have to go through that process. It has nothing to do with gestational age. It's more to do with my experience. While I understand, and appreciate, what many of you have said, I still feel that my experience was not as horrible as it could have been. (There's the optomist in me!) I've heard much worse stories. I guess that goes back to when the bible says, "God will never give you more than you can handle". My loss was all I could handle.