Tuesday, July 22, 2008

No, I haven't disappeared.

I had a super-busy weekend. I think I mentioned before that I'm the VP of our local festival, and it was this weekend. I had lots and lots of things to do. It's over now, and I'm sort of sad. It was good to keep me busy. The festival turned out great though. It's been getting bigger and bigger every year. I am really proud of what we've made it into. We've come a long way. I feel like it's my child, and this weekend was graduation. My baby is growing! :)

Even with all the work, and everything I had to do this weekend, she was still on my mind at times. I reached into the back of the car Saturday and found a box. What the heck is this? I said. Lovely, a sample of baby formula. My husband had checked the mail while leaving that morning. I guess he didn't see the need to throw the formula away. It didn't make me fall apart. It just stung.

Right in the heart.

I did see a friends week old baby girl. We were pregnant at the same time, and due within a month of each other. I purposely stopped her to see the baby. (She was beautiful by the way. Seriously one of the prettiest babies I've ever seen.) It didn't really bother me though. I was happy for her. Someone else was there with their new baby, and a friend pointed them out and said I should go see the baby. I didn't say anything, but I didn't go either. I just didn't want to.

Although I thought of her this weekend, and it sometimes hurt, for the most part I was normal again. I hope that this is how it's going to be in the future. I hope that this is my new normal. I'm my old self. I still think of her, I'm still reminded of her. It sometimes hurts, but it doesn't kill me. I don't want to forget her. I just don't want the thought of her to always bring pain and sadness. I think I'm getting there.

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