From Glow In The Woods
1 How would you describe your relationship to fear before and after the loss of your baby?
Loosing someone I love has always been a great fear of mine. Been there done that.
Also, I was never one of those pregnant ladies who worried about every little thing. I always thought "what a bunch of over-reactors". I don't think that anymore. I also don't think pregnancy=baby anymore.
2 Is your lost baby/are your babies present in your life? In what way?
I think about her everyday. There are photos of her in our home. I wear a ring with her birthstone on my right hand everyday. There are several other reminders family and friends have given us such as plaques, plants, statues etc. I also had her name tattooed on my foot.
3 Tell us about something said or done after your loss that left you feeling nurtured or supported.
Best thing anyone said to me? "This is hard, you never know what to say, so I just want you to know I'm here if you need me. I love you, and I'm thinking of you." This was from someone I was not particularly close to.
Also, my mom took two weeks off from work to take care of me after my surgery. I would never have asked her to do that, but was so grateful she did.
Remembered her anniversary.
Edited to add: One of my brothers called me while I was in the hospital. He left me a voice mail, and all is said was I love you. It was exactly what I needed.
4 Tell us about something said or done after your loss that left you feeling marginalized or misunderstood.
Totally ignoring me/my loss and acting as if nothing ever happened. That hurt more than anything.
When I called to tell my friend that the baby had died, she actually said to me "I guess everyone is having a bad week" and went on to tell me how her boyfriend's step-dad had died! I haven't called her since.
5 What's taken you a long time to do again? How did it feel, if you have?
Hold a new baby. I did it, and honestly, it felt good. Now that I've done it, it's not a big deal anymore.
6 How would you describe yourself as a partner before, and after?
I really need him like I never have before. I rely on him. I kind of expect him to take care of me, which is very strange for me. I've never been one to be coddled, and I don't really know how to feel about that. All I know is that I depend on him much more. He has been great, and is my rock. We've been together 13 years, and this is by far the hardest thing we've ever had to deal with. It will either make or break your relationship. For us, it's made us stronger as a couple.