I am a problem-solver, not a problem-haver. I am the person who everyone goes to when they need advice. I am the shoulder to cry on. The person to call in the middle of the night. I am not the person who calls you in the middle of the night, or who cries on your shoulder. I don't know why I am that way, I just am. Lately it seems, when I've reached out to my so called friends, they don't know what to do or how to handle it because they have never had to help me. I am always helping them. So the subject is quickly changed to their own problems and how I can advise them. I'm beginning to see how one-sided these so called friendships are, and I saddened by the fact that it took my baby passing for me to realize it.
On a totally unrelated note: I found out by accident that my brother is talking to The Crazy Bitch again. For those of you who don't know, she was his girlfriend who faked a pregnancy to keep him around. Then, six weeks after my daughter's stillbirth, she had the nerve to fake her "babies" death and call me and look for sympathy. (FYI- there never was any baby!) She is all kinds of crazy, and I knew right away that he was talking to her again because he started talking about her again. As in "She is so crazy", "She won't leave me alone". I knew that he was talking to her again. And I was right because I caught her at his house. I didn't say anything to him about it, because honestly what is the point? It will turn into me looking like the crazy asshole, and him defending himself, and that is not what I want. It was a few weeks ago, and I haven't said anything to anyone. I don't think I even told my husband. My stepdaughter and I talked about it, and she was so livid she wanted to drive over there and punch them both. I don't know what is going on with them, and I don't really care. If he has so little respect for me, then why waste my time on him. But I am still mad that he would even talk to her. No matter what the reason. If the tables were turned I would never talk to that person again. I love my brother more than that.
Also, I had a job interview this week. It went very well and they really liked me. It's a pretty lucrative position and it will double our household income. But, it's a lot of hours. I don't see being able to have a baby and keep that job. So if I don't get the job I will take that as the Universe's way of telling me a baby is in my future. Am I an optomist or what?