Tuesday, December 23, 2008

MEMORIES ARE ALL YOU HAVE

It occured to me the other day that Brenna didn't make much of an impact on this world. In fact, once my familyand I are gone no one will have even known she existed. As time goes on I start to forget. I forget what she felt like. Her tiny little feet. How small she really was. Not that much time has passed, but I am forgetting. All I really have left are her pictures and foot prints.

I think I mentioned before that my husband's sister lost her first two babies. One died when he was a few hours old, the other a few weeks. I know what happened, but I never really remember her talking about them except to say she put a grave blanket on their grave site or something like that. During our recent family Christmas her and I were talking with a group of people. She was telling us what all her grandkids were up to (she went on to have two more healthy children). She opened her wallet to show us pictures of the grandkids. Someone asked who's baby pictures were in there, but I already knew. My sister in law smiled, and said, "Those are my first two babies". She had this look on her face, and I could tell she was thinking about them. It really struck me because my sister in law is older than my husband. In fact her kids are older than I am. The babies that she lost were born in the 60's. They would be in their 40's now.


And she still carries their pictures.

And it still hurts her.

I guess it just touched me because it made me realize that no matter how much times passes, we can still go back to the time our babies were born. We will still think of them. We will still carry their pictures. It made me feel good in a way, because that means 40 years from now, my baby will not have been forgotten. I may not remember every detail, but I will always remember her.

10 comments:

Mrs. Spit said...

yes. WE can always remember.

The Fabulous Ms. Beth said...

Always... :)

Erica said...

Remembering is all we have. My grandma lost her son almost 60 years ago, and to this day, she is still sadden by it and on his birthday she "hides" because it hurts so bad knowing he should be here. She said losing her great-grand child, brought back all those sad memories when she wasn't allowed to see her child because it died after birth in the hospital. I feel greatful to have gotten to hold and love our daughter.

Aunt Becky said...

Always remembering.

Antigone said...

And because you've shared her with us, we'll remember her too.

JenJen said...

I know for a fact that even when I'm 80 I will still be thinking of, loving, and missing Lily. I will never be the same woman~ and for that I'm grateful.

DD said...

Seeing the little footprints on your side bar brought me to tears. It's been "only" 4 years and if nothing else, I am so grateful I recorded that day on my blog. I'm not worried that I'll ever forget, but frankly I'm glad that it hurts a little less each year.

Breanna and Dave said...

Holli
Because you shared her with me, she will always have a place in my heart, along with you and your family. She is a beautiful angel.


Thank you for sharing her with me.

xoxo

Reese said...

My friend Casey had a baby when she was 15 that was born with a congenital defect that left him mentally retarded. He died in his sleep when he was 2. He would have turned 18 this past week.....and she still celebrates his birthday.

We will always remember.....

XOXO--Reese

Foreverloves said...

But don't forget...WE remember of course, but anyone in your family; if you are blessed with another child, your grandson - Brenna's memory will live on through them. I have two wonderful nephews who know about Jacob and Zachary. I know my oldest nephew surely knows about them. It is through him that my sons will live, if I never have a living child.

God bless Brenna!