Monday, June 30, 2008

Flowers and Funerals

My uncle passed away last night. He had a stroke last year (even though he was only in his early 50's). He's been in a nursing home ever since. After my loss, while I was still in the hospital, he asked my dad how I was and how the baby was. Even though he couldn't talk well, he still communicated the best he could. It really touched me that even in the shape he was in, he still was thinking about me and my baby. Then he had another stroke and they took him off life support last night because he was brain dead.

His funeral is coming up, and I have to tell you I'm torn about going. On one hand I want to go to be there for my dad, but on the other I fell like telling them to "suck it" (in the words of Christine). After my loss not one person from that side of the family sent a card, not one of them called, not one of them attended the funeral, not one of the sent flowers, they didn't even look at her obituary online! It's as if they didn't care. Now that my uncle is gone, I honestly feel like repaying the favor.

It's not as if I'm keeping score. We received lot of flowers, pictures, statues, cards, even money. It's not that we needed those things. It's the thought. It's the acknowledgement of her existence. No one took the time out to even send us a flipping card! Now that my uncle is gone, it really bothers me.

I feel as if I'm expected to attend his funeral and mourn him, when no one gave my daughter a second thought. Then I feel guilty because he did ask about me (which was all he could do) and I feel like I should go there for him.

It's also the first time I would see any of them since my loss, and I just don't know what to say to them. (thanks for nothing comes to mind).

I've got a few days to decide, but I just don't know what to do...


Andrea said...

That's really awful of your family to do that to you. I can understand how stunned and hurt you would have felt.

Go to your uncle's funeral for HIM, to celebrate HIS life. Speak to those there that you want to and ignore the rest of them. If they ask later why you ignored them, you go right ahead and tell them.

My thoughts are with you.

CLC said...

I am sorry about your Uncle. I find it awful that his family didn't acknowledge Brenna. I like to think it's just ignorance on their part and not maliciousness. Do what you feel like. I think I would feel the same way.