HOLY NIGHTMARE

You can not imagine the horror that was my doctor's appointment today. You really can't. First off the nurse asked me how my baby was doing. I said, "My baby died. My uterus ruptured." She looked quickly through the chart (as if I was wrong!) and said she was sorry. Then she talked about the weather. This would not be that bad, except that this has happened every time I've went to this doctor since Brenna was born. Every time. You think they would note it somewhere on my chart that I lost a baby. Guess they don't.

The doctor has two offices, and the last time I was at this office was a year ago, and I was still pregnant. They put me in the same room I was in during my last visit. I did not imagine it would be hard, but it was very hard. I was already feeling vunerable because of the incident with the nurse, and being in that room- remembering hearing her hearbeat- it was just too much.

Then the doctor came in, and he made small talk. He talked about how he was doing sex ed classes for kids, and blah, blah, blah. Then he said one of the most inappropriate things I think a doctor has ever said to me. Mind you while he is telling me this I am sitting there covered with a paper towel because I'm there for my yearly exam also. He goes on to tell me how a nursing student was recently assisting him with a surgery and afterwards she said she had to ask him a question. She then told him (and I am quoting him), "When I put my husband's penis in my mouth, I suck, I don't blow. So why is it called a blow job? Am I doing something wrong?" I am not kidding. As if his retelling of the "boner" questions the sex ed kids asked wasn't enough, he had to tell me this! I was beyond disgusted.

Right before I left he asked me about having another baby. I told him I would love to, but reminded him that I was cautioned against it. Then he went on to tell me how dangerous uterine ruptures can be, and then told me how he saved someone's life last year and proceeded to tell me my own story. I kid you not. I can't imagine that he sees that my uterine ruptures, but he totally forgot who I was and had no idea why I was there! At first I thought he was joking, but he was dead serious telling me, "Dead baby, almost a dead mama from all the blood loss..." I could not believe it. I was so dumbfounded that I walked out.

My husband was in the waiting room. I walked past him out into the car. I told him the highlights of what happened, and then I started crying. I am not an emotional person at all, but I started crying. I was so hurt, and angry. It was without a doubt the worst doctors visit of my entire life.

Needless to say I am looking for a new doctor.