I was thinking tonight of when this blog would end. I started out just so that I could get my thoughts and grief out, and so I could remember how I felt, and see where I've come. I thought to myself, It will have to end sometime. You can't write how you miss your dead baby forever. Then it dawned on me, I am going to miss her forever. Until I die I am going to miss my baby. It seems so unreal to me. 50 years from now someone can say the name Brenna and I will instantly think of her. Someone can loose a baby, and I will feel it too. I guess I never thought about it before. But I have a feeling I will be blogging for quite some time, because I'm always going to miss her.
Edited to add: Please don't think that I wrote this so you'd beg me to not stop blogging. That's not the intention of this post. I am too addicted to blogging to stop. And I already know you love me. :)
I started this blog in 2008 after the stillbirth of my daughter. Now it's not just about loss, but about life.
9 comments:
You will always miss Brenna, that's true. But we would miss you too if you leave the blogging world. I know one day your sorrow will have SOME sunlight. Maybe it will be another baby, maybe it will be you at peace to some degree with everything. I hope you stay with us. I do enjoy reading your words. Take care.
Well thank you. But, please don't think I was digging for compliments.
You know I freaking heart you. Stay close, hear me?
Of course you will always miss her. That hurt will always be there. We "get it". Blog away!
She is a part of you. You will always miss her. I used to cry looking at pictures of us "BC" (before Charlie) because we could never imagine the magnitude in which his life would impact ours every day.
(hugs)
Keep on writing mama -- hearing your words encourages me to keep on writing mine!
There's so much community here. So many friendships with support given and taken. Even if you just wrote about ordinary day to day life, it would help the neophytes who first stumble across your story. When your writing isn't healing you, it can still help others in illustrating that the agonizing grief can and will subside into something though lasting perhaps more tolerable.
I know how you feel. I've thought to myself too how long can I blog about my babies?
FOREVER! I will forever miss them, forever think of them, and forever want to know how the other mommies who have lost babies are doing.
It's a hard thing to know that we were brought to blogging out of pain and grief, but it has brought me joy and happiness as well.
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