Back to normal life. Last week literally was hell. Wow. I hope I never have to go through that again as long as I live. I read the police report from Rob's accident... Let's just say it wasn't as peaceful as I tried to make myself believe. Rob's step mom said she is going to try to get a bill passed in memory of Rob requiring hunters to use safety harnesses. Why don't they? The thing that bothers me about his death is that last year there were three people that he knew who fell out of tree stands. They all were seriously hurt, but none of them died. (None of them were as far up as he was either). My neighbor, who is my husband's best friend and who I consider family fell 12 feet out of a tree stand and broke his back. He's been a paraplegic ever since. Rob knew that. He knows my neighbor very well. Why didn't he learn? One more question that will never be answered.
So life goes on. This week will be harder for Amber than last week. This week she probably will dream about what happened. She'll have crying spells for no reason. She'll keep asking God why. This week is when it will really hit her. She will become depressed. She'll see things that remind her of him. She look at his picture all the time, she might ever sleep with it. This week she will think she hears him coming home, only to realize he isn't there. I wish I didn't know what she was going through, but I do. Whether it's your husband, your child, or your friend, grief is all the same. The stages are the same. The world still goes on, even though you don't think you can. But you do. Not because you want to, but because you have to. I talked with her tonight. I told her this week is going to be harder than last week. Last week was a blur because you get into business mode because there is so much to be done. This week it's back to reality. You realize nothing is ever going to be the same. This is the week you truely get to grieve. She asked me when you get over it, and I was honest and told her never. I told her it's always going to hurt, and you are always going to miss him. But soon you'll have more good days than bad, and you will realize that you are stronger than you think you are. I told her this week is going to be hard, but next week will be better. She thought that was a good way of putting it.
I hope I'm right.
I started this blog in 2008 after the stillbirth of my daughter. Now it's not just about loss, but about life.
3 comments:
I think that's a great way to put it. Sometimes in the darkness, even the smallest point of light is enough to see your way. . .
I always say it doesn't get better, but it does get easier. I know how hard that week is when all the business is over, and life has to start all over. It's the hardest week there is. Big hugs to all of you.
I just wanted to let you know that I am thinking of and remembering Brenna today on Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness and Remembrance Day.
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