"A true friend can see the suffering in your eyes,
while everyone else just sees the smile on your face."
Here's a weird thing my Amber and I talked about tonight:
Last year on November 10th we got together and celebrated my husband's birthday. We had a spectacular time. My brothers came out and stayed the night at my house, Amber was the designated drive. She met Rob that night. I got pregnant with Brenna.
Tonight we talked about how life changing that day was, and how unaware of it we were. Amber said something that I don't think I will ever forget: "We were both given someone who was precious to us that night. Only to have them taken away." Then she asked me why I thought it happened. I didn't have an answer for her.
When I introduced her to Rob, I thought they might hit it off, but I had no idea they would fall in love like that. They really were perfect for each other. She said he was the love of her life, and she fears she won't ever love anyone like that again.
I'm certain that I got pregnant on November 10th because we had house guests for two weeks, and November 10th is the only time conception could have taken place if you get my drift (can you say dry spell!). I know that is when it happened. And I too am afraid that I will never have another baby to love again.
Amber is out here basically all alone. Rob's family is great to her, but honestly they don't know her that well. I am really all she has here. She is depending on me. I have been thinking about this a lot: If I had not suffered my loss, I don't think I would be as good of a friend to her as I am right now. I know that is terrible to admit, but I know in my heart it is true. I have been there for the deaths of both of my in laws. I've lost friends. I assumed I knew the pain of loosing someone you love. I didn't. Nothing can compare to the loss of my child. I now know (unfortunately) what it's like to loose someone so dear to you. Although our losses are different, I still understand now better than I ever could have before. I would not know what she is feeling. I would not be able to give her advice, and tell her what to expect. I would have tried to help her, but I would not have known because I hadn't experienced it. In a way, I'm glad that I am able to understand. (That doesn't mean I'm glad I lost my baby- it just means that since I did loose my baby, I'm glad I can help someone.)
Amber and I when I was pregnant with Brenna.