Thursday, October 2, 2008

Untitled

I can't think of a stupid title for this post. I'm having a hard time even thinking straight. I think I'm having a hard time right now because her 7 month anniversary is coming up. Also, my son has been at camp all this week with his school, and I'm really missing him. Our house is quite without him. It makes me realize how much my life truly revolves around being a mom. It also makes me scarred that I will never have another baby. That terrifies me. I am a mom. It is the number one priority in my life. It is the thing that I know I do best. I am afraid that I will never be able to be someone else's mom. And that is almost more than I can handle. I want another baby more than anything in this world. I can not imagine my life without having a baby. My husband is another story.

His birthday is in six weeks and he's already bitchy about it. Every year he gets all pissy around his birthday because he's freaked out that he's getting older. This year he will be 48. In this day and age I don't consider that old. It's practically middle aged! But he thinks he ancient. He thinks he's too old for a baby. He doesn't want to start all over again. Frankly, I feel guilty because I don't want to bring a baby into this world if it really isn't wanted. I don't want to pressure him into having a baby. But, the drive to have one is so strong... It's all so confusing. The I feel guilty because I know there are tons of people out there who don't even have one live baby, and I should be happy for what I have. And I am. Just because I want more doesn't mean I appreciate what I have. It just means I want to add to what I have.

UGH! I just don't know what to do! Which brings me to my survery? Would you have a baby knowing that it would be a high risk pregnancy and there could be lifethreatening complications? Please vote!

4 comments:

Katie said...

i am in your same boat, wanting a baby someday even though it is life threatening and high risk. but i plan on doing it. God willing!

Will God ALL things are possible!

Mrs. Mother said...

I'm sorry you are going through this. Big hugs to you.

Mom to 2 boys +? said...

I just want to reach out and give you a HUGE HUG!! Before I lost Tyler, my answer to your survey would have been no way, but now I totally understand that deep down need to have another baby and I would go for it. I would think that your Drs would watch you closely and know exactly what to look for to keep you safe. Good luck with your dh, I really hope that ya'll can come to an agreement!
Love, Kara

Kristi said...

My grandpa was 46 when they had my mom and he got to see her graduate high school, college, get married and all of his grandchildren be born... just sayin'! ;)