I have tons of unread items on my Google Reader. I might just ignore them all and start fresh. No one had the time to read all of that!
The funeral was today. The image of Rob's mom laying her head on her son's chest and wailing is permanently etched in my memory. Of her being lead out of the church, her whole body heaving. I will never forget that. It was so painful to see, I can't imagine what it was like.
If there is anything I have learned from this nightmare it's how lucky I am. Yes, I lost my baby. Yes, I loved my baby. But I did not love my baby for 32 years, and then have to bury her. I have to admit, her loss is harder to swallow. Her heartbreak is a million times worse than my will ever be. I don't think I've ever felt worse for anyone in my entire life.
Several years ago my husband's friend died. He was the kind of guy who'd ride his motorcycle at 100 miles an hour just to get a rush. He was a "living on the edge" kind of guy. Everyone liked his because he was good looking, funny, and has a bluntness about him. You never knew what he was going to say- and he didn't care who he offended. He was just so fun. He died in a snowmobile accident. It was horrible because his fiance was pregnant with his first child (a boy who would later be named after him). It was awful when he died. It was just so, so sad. But it wasn't a surprise. He was a risk-taker. It wasn't shocking that he died because he was always pushing the limit of everything. With Rob, it's such a shock because he wasn't a risk-taker in any way. He was a meticulous, follow-the-rules kind of guy. He was the kind of guy who did everything right. After his divorce he was left in serious debt. Instead of writing it off and filing for bankruptcy like many guys would, he buckled down and paid off every penny. In fact, he recently just paid off the last of it. That was what kind of guy he was. He always did the right thing. He was caring and sensitive- things you don't see to often in young men. But he was also funny. He'd do anything to make you laugh...
I guess my stepdaughter said it best. "Rob just isn't the kid of person you expect to die".