My friend's cousin died yesterday in a car accident. He wasn't someone I knew very well, but my husband was casual friends with him. I was online signing the guestbook for the funeral home, when I read something that I had to share with you all. It was written by the mother of one of his friends.
"...He became one of many boys who called me "Ma!" ... T___ had a way of touching everyone's heart. The thing I look forward to in entering Heaven, is hearing T___'s voice yelling, "Maaaa!" May the Lord hold and comfort you and your family as you face the coming days. May your memories and those of others comfort you. May you realize that Jesus weeps with you. And may you come to see that whatever you are feeling, it's okay. May you make the choice not to become bitter and closed, but open. And may you realize that God is sitting with you, fully present, grieving your loss- but also restoring you. And in that, may you find hope. Much Love, J___"
The part that sticks out to me is "May you make the choice not to become bitter and closed, but open". I've never thought of it as a choice, but it is. We either choose to dwell on our loss forever, or accept it and move on. Moving on doesn't mean forgetting, it just means letting go. Letting go of the anger, and the sadness, and the depression, even the guilt. It's not easy. But it's doable. It's also necessary if you ever want to have any semblance of a life.
I also appreciate when she says whatever they are feeling is OK. It's nice to know that you are not insane or evil for feeling some of the feelings that go along with grief.
I wish someone would have told me this when I lost my baby.