Sunday, August 10, 2008

Much Needed Vacation

I'm back.

My due date wasn't the horror show I expected it to be. It wasn't wonderful, but I didn't spend all day curled up in bed. I'm glad we decided to go to the family reunion. It was at a really beautiful spot, and it was a much needed retreat. As I was sitting around the campfire one night, I looked around and realized that there were many people at that fire who were in the same shoes as me at one time in their life. My husband's cousin had a baby girl die before birth for unknown reasons. His other cousin lost two babies due to RH factor. His sister lost her first two babies. Both boys, one died 3 hours after birth because she had pneumonia when he was born and passed it onto him. Her second son, born a year or so later, died of SIDS when he was just weeks old. My husband was a young child at the time, be he remembers both of the boys passing away and how horrible it was for the family. Also two of my husban's nieces suffered early losses as well. Call me crazy, but I think that is a lot of losses for one family to suffer.

Before we left on Friday I really felt like the world was out to get me. I felt like nothing was going my way. I was thinking about weither or not we would have another baby, and I thought to myself, I can't because so much can go wrong. I realized that for the first time in my life, I don't trust God. I've always trusted him to take care of me before, and I realized that I don't trust him anymore. On Thursday things were not going well, and I said to him "You already took my baby from me! Why can't this one thing work out for me!?!" It was not a good feeling. After the weekend (everything went well by the way, it all worked out in the end), before we left for home I was standing by the water looking out. I was there by myself and I just had this moment. I said to Him, "I believe there is a reason. I don't know what it is, so please show me. I really need to know." And I just let it go. I'm not going to be mad about it anymore. I'm not going to be angry. I'm going to let it all go and look for the reason. Because ultimately, no matter what, I still believe that my life is in His hands, and there is a reason for everything that happens to me. I still can't figure out why, but I believe in my heart of hearts I will figure it out. I just hope that day comes soon.

While we were up there, my mom and one of my brothers came up for the day and me, my husband, my son, and my grandson went with them to Mackinac Island (pronounced Mackinaw). It is one of the most beautiful spots in Michigan. You have to take a boat or ferry to get there, and there are no motor vehicles on the boat, so the only way to get around is either bike or horse. (Excuse the way I look in the following pictures. We had been biking, and it was very windy. Also, I am not a wierdo. My shirt says "Why be normal when you can be a (insert surname here), we get them every few years for our family reunion.)

My mom and I also concured The Steps From Hell. These steps were old, steep, and worn. And there were about 300 of them. I didn't think we would get to the top (the boys went the other way around, biked up a STEEP hill and met us up there). We did. It was was worth it.

My stepdaughter and her husband camped with us also. I was so glad that we all got to spend a long weekend together. It really was how I wanted to spend Brenna's weekend. With family. And Happy.

1 comment:

CLC said...

Glad to hear it was a happy weekend. And that is a lot of loss for one family. How did your husband's cousin go on after losing her first two babies? It just seems like such a cruel twist of fate.