Many mothers in deadbabyland use butterflies as a way to remember their babies. They buy butterfly charms, or decorations. They see butterflies and think of their baby. For me it has been dragonflies. I don't know why. I want her headstone to have a dragonfly on it. For some reason since she has been gone I've always thought of her when I've seen or thought of dragonflies.
Saturday we went to my brother-in-laws birthday party. It was way out in the country, on a dirt road even. This same brother-in-law just had his daughter's wedding a few months ago, and of course I went to her shower and wedding. There was this lady who is a friend of theirs from church, who was pregnant. I assumed we were due about the same time. (I remember back when we found out the wedding date I thought I would be hugely pregnant by that time.) Well she was at the birthday party. So was her new baby.
It hasn't bothered me for quite some time. But it really bothered me when I saw the brand new baby. It was a girl of course. I tried to avoid looking at her, but I caught myself a few times. It was harder than I wanted it to be.
As we were leaving, all of the sudden my son says, "Look at that". I look out into the field behind us, and there were literally hundreds of dragonflies flying around. Hundreds. I don't know what was going on, but it was amazing. I've never seen anything like that in my life. My son says they were mating, but I didn't see it.
All I saw was hundreds of wings, telling me Brenna says hello.
You can see a little bit on the above video. In real life, you could see way more.