Monday, August 25, 2008

I am a Liar

I am a total liar. Remember when I told you this. Yeah, well, guess what... I LIED! I didn't mean to lie. I really, honestly thought it was true. That is how I had been feeling for a long time.

Then yesterday I had to go to the laundry mat because I broke my washing machine (it's only 2 years old- wonderful). There was this freaky guy who was looking at me like he wanted to eat me, seriously. I was so freaked out. Then I saw that he was there with a little baby girl. Probably 3 months old. I could not believe that that freak got to have a baby and I don't. WTF!?! As they left I gave him the death stare, but then I caught myself and said I silent prayer that the poor baby won't have to live the life I think she's going to have.

Then today I hear that these coke-heads (and I mean that literally- cocaine addicts) are expecting a baby. Are you kidding me here God? He is a dealer. She lost her job because she was stealing drugs from her patient. Great people to be giving a baby too God. WHY? I don't understand it. I just don't. I can't even write about it anymore because I am so fricking sick and tired of wondering why those loosers get to have a baby, and mine is dead.

WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY?

5 comments:

Tiffi33 said...

Ugh.
It is NOT fair..or right even that freaks of nature and those who should NEVER reproduce do..A LOT.

You have every right to be upset and wonder...

Katie said...

so true. its not fair!


by the way, Brenna is absolutely beautiful, she takes my breath away everytime i see her picture.

Aunt Becky said...

Not fair is right. I wish I had a good answer for you. It just sucks.

Kellie said...

Holli,
I just got done reading your story and wanted to let you know that I am so sorry for your loss. I too lost my babies and know how unfair life is now. You expressed so many feelings that I understand and wish I could have when I didn't have the words! We were nieve and living in a little bubble where babies don't die and, when your pregnant, every thing is fine. Thank you for sharing your story and feel free to visit my site and read about my little angels, Leah and Maya. May God hold you in His arms on the bad days, just as he is holding our little angels!
Kellie

Mrs. Mother said...

I agree with you. It really hurts my heart when someone who doesn't deserve to have a baby has one.

My Jenna would have been so loved and was so wanted. I see babies who look like they haven't been taken care of all time, and I just wish I could have that baby.