Sunday, May 4, 2008

Two Months

Tomorrow it will been two months since everything happened. It's amazing how much can change in two months.

Yesterday was actually a really good day. I didn't notice that 100's of pregnant ladies or babies. It didn't bother me. Things are getting easier and I am getting less crabby.

My body is still on a hormonal roller coaster, but my husband get the brunt of that so I don't mind so much (j/k). I started taking the pill, which actually seems like a joke because the chances of me actually ovulating an egg were slim before, and with only one fallopian tube, they are about nil. I don't really know why I am bothering to take the stupid pill which makes me hungry all the time and feel like I might be going insane. My husband wears a rubber every time anyway (I know TMI- sorry). He's absolutely freaked out that I might get pregnant again. I hate to tell him his "guys" aren't kamikaze sperm and he doesn't have anything to worry about. I think his view is one made it up to the fallopian tube once before, they could do it again. Don't I wish. I'd be happy if one made it up to an egg and grew into a baby. Is that asking for too much?

So anyway, I've got a busy week in front of me. I'm glad because then I won't sit around wallowing is self pity. I try to keep myself as busy as possible so that I don't have time to sit around and cry. Actually, I don't even feel like crying so I guess that's good. When I don't feel sad I start to wonder what's wrong with me. Like I'm a bad person because I'm not mourning my dead baby. I think I'm being too hard on myself. I need relax.

I wish all of you out there in deadbaby land a peaceful week. God bless.

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