Let me say before hand that I am sorry if this offends anyone. That is not my intention. As always, this blog is about nothing but my feelings, and this is how I feel.
So someone mentioned my "miscarriage" today and I wanted to rip their eyes out. For some reason when anyone uses the term miscarriage to describe my loss it makes me crazy. I was 5 months pregnant for crying out loud! When I think of miscarriages I think of women who are barely pregnant loosing their pregnancy. Not a mother who is 5 months pregnant and already felt her baby move! Then who holds her baby and takes pictures and had a fricking funeral! That to me is a birth.
I feel like people use the term miscarriage so that what happened to me doesn't seem so bad. Miscarriages happen all the time, but stillbirths are much worse (duh! they happen all the time too!).
I know someone who had a miscarriage and she could not function. Literally. She was probably 8 weeks along. Now I don't want to seem heartless, but I'm sorry having a miscarriage at 8 weeks is no where near as horrible as giving birth to a dead baby! It's not. I know people who have experienced both, and they have said that a miscarriage, however horrible, can not compare to the loss of a baby.
When I think miscarriage I don't think labor and delivery. I'm sure it's not picnic, but it's not the same. Physically you heal faster, you don't have baby stuff waiting for you at home, everyone who sees you isn't expecting you to have a baby, the only people who know about your loss are the ones you tell. It's not the same.
I do not consider my loss to be a miscarriage. My baby died. I held her. I took her picture. I bought a casket for her. I had a funeral for her.
I was a few days shy of 20 weeks. At 20 weeks I would have gotten a birth certificate (or death certificate, whatever). Because I was 3 days short of 20 weeks I didnt' get anything. My loss is labled a "late term miscarriage". Thank you for making me feel like crap. If I could have held her in a few days more I would have had a stillbirth.
It's fricking ridiculous.