Today is Mother's Day. It actual wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I had visions of myself curling up in the fetal position and crying in bed all day. It didn't happen. At church this morning I got teary eyed, but that's to be expected. (I'm embarrassed to say this is the first time I've went to church since I lost my baby. It was a big step for me, since the last time I was there I was pregnant. That's all I kept thinking about.)
I didn't spend they day crying over what should have been. I spent today celebrating what was. I have a son, a daughter, a step-daughter, and a grandson. I love each of them with all my heart. I believe I was put on this earth to care for them. I know that. Why didn't my daughter get to stay here on earth with us? I don't know. But I'm not going to waste anymore time wondering why. I'm going to celebrate the 5 months I got to know and love her. I don't feel jilted at all. I feel privileged that I got to have her all to myself her entire life!
I know that Mother's Day is a hard day for all of you out there in deadbaby land. No matter how short of a time you had your babies with you, I hope you remember you are all mothers. You were given the greatest gift. You grew a baby inside of you, even if for only a few weeks. Although it might not seem like it, today is your day. Celebrate the fact that you DO have a baby, and you ARE a mommy, even if your baby has wings.
Happy Mother's Day to all of you. I hope you all can find peace today, and reflect on the time you did get to spend with your angels.
When life gets hard
and I can't seem to find God.
I rest assured in the fact
that he always knows
where to find me.