Friday, April 1, 2011


My son is growing up. As unbelievable as it is to me he is going to be in high school next year. When did this happen?

He's a bit of a thinker, and comes up with some interesting questions. Yesterday he jokingly asked me what I would do if I had a gay child. This got me thinking. I had to tell him the truth: I have mixed feelings. I would love my children no matter what, that isn't a question. But I think I would fear for my child if they were gay. We all want our kids to have an easy life, and I don't think that being gay is the easiest life a person could live.

And I believe in God. I've read the bible and I know what it says about homosexuality. I've also read what it says about judging other people.

I can not stand people who hide behind the bible to spread hate and bigotry.

I can't stand people who quote one verse of the bible but forget the others.

Now, how do you relay that to a 14-year-old? How do I put it in terms he can understand? Especially when I don't understand it myself!

What I told him is that Leviticus 20:13 says: "'If a man lies with a man as one lies with a woman, both of them have done what is detestable. They must be put to death;..." but the verse right before it (Leviticus 20:12) says: "'If a man sleeps with his daughter-in-law, both of them must be put to death. What they have done is a perversion;..." and I don't see anyone picketing or beating people up because of that. According to the bible they are both equally wrong.

He was quiet for a minute and thought about what I said.

Then I reminded him that our church teaches us all sin is equal. I told him that I didn't understand why some people think being gay is the ultimate sin but when someone has an affair on their wife they don't seem to mind, but they are both sins according to the bible. He thought about it longer, and still didn't really say much.

I reminded him I have friends who are gay.

Finally I decided to tell him honestly what I felt. I said, "The truth is, it's none of our business. What people do in the privacy of their own bedrooms isn't my business and it isn't your business either. Who someone chooses to have sex with doesn't have anything to do with me. It's between them and God."

The word "sex" coming out of my mouth was enough to make the poor kid want to jump out of the car. He looked like he wanted to be anywhere but with me at that moment.

Still, I think he got the message.

The teen years are awful. Especially when they ask about things you are still trying to figure out for yourself.

This post is part of the A to Z Challenge.


Templeton's fury said...

I don't have children but i teach high schoolers and i can totally relate to getting asked the questions that you dont have the answer to. And i think your response was perfect. At what point did it become a fault to say, "I don't know."

Keep being honest and your son will become a man of integrity :)

B's Mom said...

Actually, at one point I did tell him I just don't know. I remember a few times my parents tried to act like they had all the answers and it was so obvious to me. I didn't want to do that. I *think* he appreciated it.

Gregg said...

Welcome to the challenge! We had four growing adolescents who who have some growing adolescents of their own. What a time that was!

You are right, all sin is an affront and treason against a thrice holy and sovereign God. It is wrong to use God's holy Word as an excuse to hate or espouse sinful attitudes or actions. On the other hand, sin, all sin, must be equally hated and denounced with the promise of grace and mercy for those who repent of sin.

The toughest thing there is, is not to event a God of our own imagination that we can live with or worship. We must strive to know the God of the Bible.

Good luck on your posts!
Gregg Metcalf
Colossians 1:28-29

Gospel-driven Disciples

Tamara McRill said...

Wisdom isn't always about having all the answers. Sounds like you responded to his question genuinely and honestly. Once he got over the mortification of mom saying 'sex', I'm sure he appreciated that.

Anonymous said...

I so agree! I have a 13 year old and there is all this new uncharted territory. There seems to be a new challenge every week or so. But open communication seems to be the best way to deal with it.

Sounds like you did great!

Anonymous said...

I have a 13 year old and I do feel like all these new topics are coming up. Open communication is the best way to deal with it. Sounds like you are doing great!

Candyland said...

First of all, I've been reading and sobbing over your story for the past hour. I've had 2 miscarriages and have spoken of them very openly. Though neither was a stillborn birth, I was forever changed by them both bc of years of trying to conceive our 2nd child.

Now, I'm nearing 3 months pregnant with that child we've longed for, though I know s/he could be taken from me at any time.

You are so brave for telling your story and my heart goes out to you.

As far as answering questions like this, I'm a ways off (my daughter is 4), but I hope to answer as eloquently as you have with your son.

Nate Wilson said...

Despite what the Bible might say, it's always wonderful when people tackle this topic with considerate and rational thought instead of blind hatred. Well done.

baygirl32 said...

we're teetering on the teen years in my house, and I'm having enough trouble!

thank you for stopping by my blog today, and for taking the time to comment!

looking forward to more of your take on the A to Z

Matt Conlon said...

I read this post earlier today, and started to formulate a comment, only to be distracted by work. (gosh!)

I'm sort of reminded of the movie "The Family Stone" where the main character's girlfriend came to Christmas dinner, and met her boyfriend's gay brother and HIS boyfriend, and made a comment about "No one would ever WANT their kid to be gay" meaning, no one would ever wish for their child to have obstacles, but of course she said it poorly, and everyone took offense. The more she backpedaled and tried to explain, the worse it got...

That part of the movie made me frustrated, because I knew what she was trying to say... Having kids of my own, I'd like nothing more than for them to have an easy time being accepted socially... Anything can make a kid's life difficult, sexual preference, weight, musical preferences, complexion... I think we all want things for our kids to be easy, don't we??

But the sad part is that the Anti-Gay garbage that goes on, MAKES people ultra-sensitive like that, and it's so unnecessary.

... Anyway, sorry for hijacking the comments! Well done! :D

T said...

Please listen to this advise. Your son is FINE. He is a teenager, very young one, but still a teenager. How could you let a religion get between you and your son? I would happily go to hell for someone i love. Perhaps you should feel that way too?

doreen said...

I totally agree teens are tough! Thank you for stopping by and following me. I too struggle with gay. I agree with you it is not our place to judge that is between them and God.
I also wanted to share with you that I lost a baby daughter when she was 11 hours old. Her name was Jessica. That was 33 years ago and I still miss her everyday.
Good luck with the rest of the challenge...good start.

Positive Thoughts said...

Love lifts us up where we belong. God bless you. See the power of Positive thinking within you. Please follow my blog. Positive Thoughts

Rae said...

Well said! I don't have children yet, but I do have nephews and little brothers and sisters. I also work with kids. Some of the questions they ask really gets me thinking.

And I love how you let him know that sin is sin. I tell the kids at my church God's eyes, there is no big sin/little sin. I don't like it either when people hide behind the Bible.

Good post!

The Superintendent's Wife said...

Thank you for your post. I think it's a good reminder to us all that God hates sin, but loves the sinner.