Sunday, May 10, 2009

TWO YEARS AGO

Two years ago I had no idea that Mother's Day is an often painful day. I had no idea that there is a whole group of women who linger in the background of this day. Women who have children; but children who aren't here. Childless Mothers. Women who don't know whether to celebrate, or mourn. Women who don't know where they fit. Society has overlooked these women. We often forget- or don't know- that they are mothers. Two years ago I did not know that they even existed. I'd never heard of such a thing. It's one of the many things you learn when you loose a child.

Today is the second year I've celebrated Mother's Day without all of my children. Every year for the rest of my life I will celebrate without her. I know that. I'm prepared for it. But I still wish it was different. The day was actually great for me. I slept in. We met at my mom's house and the men cooked (for the most part). A family friend brought her baby over today. We were pregnant at the same time, and he was born a few weeks after I was due with Brenna. Today was the first day I held him. It wasn't horrible. In fact, it was nice. He's adorable. I'd be lying if I didn't tell you I thought once or twice about how different it would be if she was here. The hardest part for me was watching my own mother hold him and love on him. I so wanted to give that to her. But I am so eternally thankful for the son I have here with me. He is my world, without a doubt.

I know my mom feels the same way.

2 comments:

JenJen said...

Mother's day can never be the same~ I tried very hard to enjoy the day yesterday, but my heart was just not into it.

Each post that I've read about mother's day from the dbms have echoed all of my thoughts and feelings. The pain of loosing a child is universal, and I wish this pain didn't exists.

CLC said...

You are right, it will never be the same again.

I am glad you were able to hold your friend's baby and it not be horrible. You are a good friend to do that.