THE ANTICIPATION

The anticipation of her birthday was much worse than the actual day. It really wasn't that bad to be honest with you. In fact, I dare say it was a pretty good day. I was still getting over the flu, and I didn't go into work. So I took my son to school, and then came home and took a nap. After I woke up my mom came over and brought me flowers. Three of my brothers brought me flowers. My mom also brought a large cross to take out to Brenna's grave. We didn't take it because it was too windy and muddy, but I am going to take it out there when the weather gets a bit nicer. My mother made me chicken and noodles. Yum! Nice, boring day. I didn't shed one tear. My son went on his fieldtrip. He had a really fun day at school. It's spirit week, so he is doing all sorts of fun things this week, and that had kept his mind of from being sad. Which I'm thankful for.

It was not a horrible, tearful day. The worst thing about today is that my dad did not remember. I didn't expect him to. Especially after what happened at my uncle's funeral. I think part of it is because my dad is a man, and he feels very uncomfortable with "feelings" and doesn't know what to say. But, part of me thinks that he does not consider her a person, or his grandchild. My mom and dad are divorced. My mom has pictures of Brenna all over her house. Where ever there are pictures of the other grandkids, there are pictures of Brenna. My dad does not even have a picture of her. Part of that is my fault. I've never given him any, but he's never asked either. My mom has asked for a copy of every picture I have. He could have at least called, or emailed me, or sent me a card. But honestly, I don't think he even remembered. It doesn't really bother me, because I didn't expect him to. If you don't have high expectations, you don't get let down.