Wednesday, March 4, 2009

WHERE DID THE YEAR GO?

Tomorrow the little ticker to the left of this post will read 1 year since we said goodbye. I can not believe it's been one year.

My brother called me tonight to tell me he was thinking of me. He hadn't forgotten. I love that he called me. I asked him, "What do I call it? Is it her birthday?" Deathday just doesn't seem right. Neither does birthday. To be quite honest, none of it seems right or real. Her birthday should be this summer, and she should be crawling around my house right now...

I have been afraid of this day. But now that it is here it's not so bad. The part that bothers me the most is that now that a year has past everyone will expect me to be over it. Healed. Moved on. How do you get over the fact that a person died inside of you? How do you get over that? Especially when it was someone you loved, and wanted, with every fiber of your being.

I don't really have anything insirational to write, like Reese did. I'm suffering from the flu, and my period is due to start tomorrow. Another of Mother Nature's cruel jokes.

Most other bloggers relive their baby's birth on their birthday. I think you all know the story. Or if you don't , you know where to find it. Nothing has changed. The story is the same. I just don't know the ending yet.

Happy Birthday baby girl. There is not a day that goes by that I don't think of you, or miss you.

11 comments:

JenJen said...

You're in my thoughts and prayers~ you are everyday, but especially tomorrow. You were the first one to offer condolence and advice after I lost Lily, and I feel a bond with you because of our uterine ruptures. ((hugs)) to you, Brenna's mommy...

The Fabulous Ms. Beth said...

You're in my thoughts as you remember sweet Brenna every day and especially tomorrow on her angel day.
Hugs

Breanna said...

you are in my prayers. Happy Birthday Sweet Brenna.

I am so sorry things are so tough right now Holli.

xoxo

Mrs. Mother said...

Big hugs to you. You are in my thoughts.

Foreverloves said...

Of course, you are in my thoughts. I feel like you do; March 14th isn't their birthday, and it isn't their deathday. I don't know what to call it. Their birthday was not supposed to be in March at all. May? Maybe. July 25th for sure. But March? No. March is some other day. I haven't figured it out either.

You are remembered, Brenna...

CLC said...

Thinking of you and Brenna.

Spellbound said...

Happy Birthday sweet angel baby Brenna.

Holly, I will be thinking of you today!

Busted said...

Thinking of you today. Happy Birthday, sweet Brenna.

Mom to 2 boys +? said...

Holli - just wanted you to know that you and Brenna are in my heart today!
Kara

Aunt Becky said...

Holding you and sweet Brenna in my heart.

mrsmuelly said...

Oh Holli, we don't expect you to be "over it". Each day that passes, you continue to live "through it". That is the only way to keep going.
I would say Happy Birthday Brenna...know that we are all remembering her.