Monday, March 30, 2009

WHY HAVE I CHANGED SO MUCH?

I think back to myself a year ago and I don't even recognize myself now. Never did I think I would be where I am now. I could not even imagine this life for myself. A year ago I could not see anything positive for my life. I had just started to drive again this time last year. I still had strict limitations. I couldn't life anything. I couldn't drive. I was still in pain. Outside I looked pretty good. Inside was a battle.

I honestly do not know how I got here. I don't know what the magic words are, or what happened to bring me out of it. If I knew I would tell you. All I know is that I am in a place now that I never imagined I would be. I feel, dare I say, hopeful. I feel like my future is bright. I'm still unsure if that future includes a new baby, but we will see.

4 comments:

JenJen said...

I'm proud of you and where you are in your life. Hopeful is a great place to be and I know you can tackle whatever the future holds for you and your family.

Antigone said...

I always used to get annoyed when people said I was strong for getting through those really rough days so please forgive me if this is annoying but...

You *are* strong. And you can get through anything because of the character and resilience you possess. Whatever the future holds, it will also hold that.

bir said...

Just letting you know that I'm here Holli, and I understand your wonderings on how you got there. I really don't know how I got here either. It's a place I don't enjoy, don't want to be, and have no way out of.
But yes, you are strong (yeah, I hate being told that too, Antigone) and you will get through it. There is a door there somewhere to the other side of being in this life. We just need to be patient to work through the shit of finding it.

xxx

O.M.G. said...

i don't know how to send a private message so this will just have to be a comment on your page, i guess. i was wondering how you get the "follow me on twitter" on your blog. i can't figure that out. glad you are feeling better and more hopeful!!