Sunday, November 9, 2008

Things I have learned.

Lessons I've learned from loosing my baby.

1. Pregnancy does not always equal baby. Even if you make it past the first 12 weeks.

2. Follow your gut. If you have a nagging feeling that something is wrong- it probably is.

3. Dead babies make people very uncomfortable.

4. Deadbabymamas make people uncomfortable too.

5. Referring to your deadbaby as a miscarriage makes people feel more comfortable.

6. No one knows what to say when your baby dies. So most people say nothing.

7. When someone does say something, you will never forget it.

8. Expect a long, awkward silence when you mention your baby.

9. You will think about your baby long after everyone else has forgotten.

10. My mom will do anything for me.

11. My mom is the only other person who truly understand how I feel about this. Even more so than my husband.

12. Watching your daughter suffer a loss must be horrible.

13. There are people who you think you can count on, but when it comes down to it, you can't.

14. Some people will suprise you, in good ways and in bad.

15. Your relationships with people will change. Many people simply will not know what to say or how to act around you. You will slowly drift apart.

16. Abdominal surgery hurts like hell.

17. You will forget the physical pain.

18. You won't ever forget the emotional pain.

19. Your heart can literally feel like it's broken. It is a physical pain you can not imagine.

20. It's OK not to cry. We all grieve differently. Just because society expects a grieving mother to be a weepy mess doesn't mean she has to be.

21. You will look better on the outside then you are on the inside.

22. If you don't tell people you are hurting, they will never know.

23. It's OK to tell people when you are hurting.

24. Don't forget the family you still have. They need you.

25. Writing helps.


jenfnolf said...

I especially identify with #21, but all of them are right on the money. Only the deadbabymamas would understand this list...

-stephanie- said...

wow, I could have written this list myself. I've been through every one of them. 3 times.
2 of my deadbabies are an unknown sex. I will see who they are in heaven. I could kick myself for not taking pictures of my son. Who died at 4 months in the womb. I could kick myself for not even thinking about seeing him. My husband saw him and said he was smiling and that he looked like me. That's all I have.
Your daughter is so beautiful, and I know the pain.