Sunday, November 23, 2008


"When I feel your love, my soul smiles."
I don't want anyone to misunderstand my last post. My husband is not the complete jerk I made him out to be. We are very close. We are great together. It's because we are so close that this is so hard for me. This is the one thing that he just doesn't "get". This is something that I feel like he doesn't understand, and that is hard because he usually understands me and knows me so well. Instead, I feel very disconnected with him when it comes to Brenna. He hardly every says her name. But then again, neither do I. Usually I just say "The baby". I think not using her name makes it easier. I don't know. I'm babbling. All I really wanted to say was that my husband is not a jerk. He just doesn't show his grief the way I do. I think I read a few months ago someone saying that he husband was "working" his grief out. Like doing extra things around the house. Keeping very busy. I realized when I read that, that my husband was doing the same thing. He had 100 projects going on this spring and summer. I didn't realized what was going on until I read that. I'm not sure he was even aware of it.
It's just hard when someone knows you so well, but doesn't understand the most defining event in your life. It's just hard. That's all.

1 comment:

Mrs. Spit said...

Oh Holli:

There are days when Mr. Spit and I have to have a do over. There are days when something affects him deeply, and I wasn't aware of it.

There are days when something affects him deeply, and I'm not at all aware of it, and I'm looking at the situation going "meh".

You can see his blog today for one such example.

I wonder, if your dh is willing, would he speak to Mr. Spit. There is little if anything out there for men.

(and I'm always willing to listen to you too!)