Before I start this post, I want to tell our all of our Vetrans thank you for your service to our country!
I'm afraid. I'll admit it. I have been thinking about having another baby. I've been thinking about it a lot lately. We just passed the date when Brenna was concieved. That's probably why I've been thinking about babies so much lately. Part of me wants another baby, but another part of me doesn't. Part of me is confident that I will have a live baby if I get pregnant again. The other part of me is scarred shitless.
I love the blog To Write Their Names In The Sand. What Carly and her husband do is beautiful and amazing. It means so much to families who've lost children. I sneak over and look at the photos from time to time. What has stuck me though, is how many people have lost more than one child. Some families have lost three. I know many people, Jenell, Mandy, Mrs. Muelly, and Jaded to name a few, who've suffered multiple losses. My doctor told me that the chances of having an unscarred uterus rupture is about the same as getting stuck by lightening. The chances are the same for suffering multiple losses. I'm not feeling very lucky.
It just makes me nervous. I think I could handle it, but I don't think my poor son can. He's only 11, and loosing Brenna really affected him. He was heartbroken, and we ended up taking him to counseling. I could not put him through that again.
My husband and I talked about it the other day and he told me he's afraid that I would die, and he's not sure it's worth the risk.
But, truth be told, I think it's worth it. I know it's worth it.