Innocence

It's kind of hard to feel sorry for myself when I think of all the people who died 7 years ago today. I remember that day well. My mother-in-law was very ill and I'd been taking care of her for about a year. She had a stroke and for some reason always called me Mel (the nickname of my husband's ex-wife, who had passed away several years before). She always felt bad about calling me that, and honestly it didn't bother me. I got used to it. She woke me up that morning yelling down to me, "Mel, I need some breakfast!" I remember being so annoyed. My 4 year old son had just started preschool, and I was hoping I would be able to get him on the bus and then sleep in. Nope. I got up and made her usual breakfast of eggs and toast. I remember as I walked into the living room and delivered her meal to her TV tray, the news caught my eye. She was watching the Today Show and they were showing the first tower. It was smoking and they said a plane hit it. I remember how innocent we were then. How we thought it must have been someone learning to fly who made a wrong turn. It never occurred to us that something evil was happening. Even when I watched the plane fly into the second tower, and turned to my mother in law and asked, "What is going on?" it still did not occur to me that someone was out to hurt us. I was still innocent, and did not realize there were people in this world that hated us. Terrorist was not in my vocabulary. I remember when they first said it could be the work of terrorists. Every hair on my body stood up. I called my mom. My kids were at school, and I wanted them home. I also remember how strange it was that life went on as normal for us. Even as something so horrible was happening that day, I still had to take my mother in law to dialysis. I still had to pick my girlfriend up from work. I got a speeding ticket that day. Life went on as normal. It was surreal.

I didn't know it at the time, but that was the beginning of my fertility issues. I actually thought I was pregnant on September 11, 2001. I hadn't had a period for awhile, and even though the pee stick said no, I didn't know what else it could be. Oh, I was innocent in more ways then one back then.