These days I avoid most "rainbow baby" blogs, and most "dead baby" blogs for that matter. There are a select few I read, but honestly not many at all anymore. It hurts my heart (literally) to read of someone else having a rainbow baby. I don't like feeling that way, but I do. I am jealous. I wish it were me. When I read those type of blogs it just stirs up those feelings again. I can not for the life of me understand why someone who doesn't even take care of their children gets to have four living, healthy, beautiful children, but I only get one. Then I feel guilty, because I am so grateful for the one I do have here with me, and I don't want anyone to think I'm not. I'm probably more grateful for him than she is for all four of hers!
There is not a day that goes by that I don't think of what my life would be like with her here. The grieving is over, but the mourning never ends.
I started this blog in 2008 after the stillbirth of my daughter. Now it's not just about loss, but about life.
5 comments:
I'm right there with you. You'd think, after a point in time, we'd be able to accept our situation and maybe even smile at someone who's pregnant. But no. It still hurts. Why do they get to have something you want so desperately.
You're not alone. ((hugs))
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