Last month one of my clients had a baby and I sent her a flower/plant to her office to congratulate her. Today I received a thank you note in the mail. It said thank you and went on to say how every time she looks at the plant she thinks of how lucky she is to have this little bundle of joy in her life, how in love they are, and how adorable the baby is. I was surprised by how much that note bothered me. It didn't bother me at all when she had the baby. It didn't bother me to go pick out a gift. I didn't think twice about it. I don't know if it was because I wasn't expecting it... For whatever reason that card made me feel sick to my stomach.
Just when I think I am OK, something happens that makes me realize I will never be over the loss of my daughter. I will always feel a twinge of pain every time I hear the words "dead baby". I think that as long as I live, I will keep having these little surprise twinges of pain.
I guess that's just one of the perks of being a deadbabymom.