Today has been great. I haven't felt sad at all. I think it wierd that I'm not sad. I realized that yesterday I felt cruddy because it was the first time since my surgery that I've been able to really get out of the house and see people. So it was the first time I had to deal with the feelings of pregnant ladies and babies and little girls. It will pass.
I have noticed though that people get nervous when they see me. We live in a really small town and everyone knows what happened. When they see me I can see it on their face that they don't know what to say to me. Since I had to have surgery and almost died, it's easier for me because they can ask how I'm feeling and say it's good to see me without having to talk about our loss. Some people come right up to us in the grocery store and tell us they are sorry about what happened. A few avoided us. One person who my husband has known all his life sent us a card and told us how she lost a daughter in 1969. My husband had no idea. It's very strange how something like this makes you realize who really cares about you. We recieved cards from people I never thought would even think about us. It was actually very comforting.
The best thing anyone said to me was a friend who called me the day after I got home from the hosptial. She took a deep breath and said, "This is hard. You never know what to say. I just want you to know we are thinking about you and sorry this happened. If you need anything, you can ask." Honestly, that was exactly the right thing to say. That is all I needed to hear.
I've never been one to send cards or things like that when someone passes. This has really taught me that it's important to let the person who's still here know you are thinking of them. I'm really going to make an effort to reach out to everyone I know who looses a loved one from now on. I'm optomistic that in the days and weeks to come things will get easier. Hopefully, people will stop panicking when they see me!