The more time that goes by the more I have time to think. I can think of many things I'm not thankful for, but the more I think the more I realize there are a lot of things I am thankful for during all of this. So here they are, things I am thankful for:
I'm thankful that I didn't have to go through labor and deliver a dead baby. I think God knew I could never handle that, and so my baby was delivered during surgery.
I'm thankful my husband and I got to hold her and take pictures. I wish some of them weren't so fuzzy, but the ones we did get I will treasure always.
I'm thankful for my mother. She came and took care of me during those first weeks of recovery. I would have never asked for help, but I didn't need to. She lives 50 miles away, but came everyday to take care of me. I wouldn't have made it through without her.
I'm thankful I wasn't working when this happened. I never would be able to return to work right now and act like everything is ok. I am still healing physically, and have a lot of pain. Work would be torture.
I'm thankful my husband's family is all burried close together, and that we can burry our baby there too. I find it comforting that she will be burried by her grandparents. Even though I know the body is "just a shell" it still doesn't mean I want her grave out all by itself in the middle of some strange cemetery!
I'm thankful for the Miscarriage, Stillbirth, and Infant Loss board on Baby Center. I talk with or listen to those ladies everyday. If makes me feel like there are people who understand.
I'm thankful for blogging! Honestly, it is so great to be able to write down things I could never say to anyone.
I'm thankful for my family and friends. This has shown us that we have many people who care about us. It has reminded me to tell my brothers and sister that I love them. It has reminded me of the special people I have in my life, and how lucky I am to have them!
I am so thankful for my husband who makes me happy just by being near me. He is my greatest comfort, and I could never get through life without him.
I'm thankful for my son. I'm glad I was able to grow him inside me and give birth to him. He is my greatest accomplishment.
I'm thankful for my step-daughter. She makes me laugh and let's me be myself. She also gave me my grandson, who I'm also thankful for! He lights up by days and everything he does brings a smile to my face.
I'm thankful that I have a relationsip with God. If I didn't I would be a basketcase right now. Knowing I will see my baby again one day is very comforting to me.