Monday, March 31, 2008

Another baby?

I forgot one thing I'm thankful for on the "Thankful" list. I'm so thankful that I didn't have to come home to an empty nursery. To have all those baby things bought and ready would just be heartbreaking. Chances are I won't be having another baby. Although I would love to, my husband is not convinced. At first in the hospital every doctor said there was no way I should ever get pregnant again. At my check up my OB told me that I could try in a year. He said I would be high risk but it would be just like someone who had surgery for polyps. I really, really want to try again, but I'm scarred to death. What if this happens again? Can I put my family through this, especially my little boy? I don't think he could stand loosing another sibling. Do I want to risk my life? I can't find much on ruptured uterus's on the internet, but what I can find says that the chances it will happen again are nil. But most of those women had it happen because they had a previous c-section. I didn't. The only thing I had was a D&C three years ago. At first I didn't think that had anything to do with it, but the more I think about it I'm beginning to believe it did. I remember the doctor saying he had to "take a lot out". I think maybe he damaged my uterine lining when he did that. At the time I had the option of having a D&C or taking some meds that would basically do the same thing. I wish I had chose the meds. I would give anything to take that back. So anyway, when they told me in the hosptial no more babies my heart literally sank. It felt hopeless! But when the doctor told me I could try again, that was the best news I could have heard. My husband says no way, and right now so do I, but I still hold on to that the hope that I can try again. I don't know what my chances of concieving are. It was years before I got pregnant with Brenna, and now I only have one fallopian tube, but one is all you need right?

I was put on this earth to be a mom. That I'm sure of. I just have this feeling I've got another child coming. Or maybe I've got one missing. I'm not sure which it is.

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