I've been a mom for 13 years now. I feel like that gives me some sort of experience points or something. I feel like I've put in my time, and sometimes I even feel like I have it all figured out.
The other times, like lately, I feel like a total failure as a parent. It's hard to be a working mom. I'm not trying to get into the whole working mom debate, but I've done both. I can tell you for certain I could not have worked the job I'm currently in if my son was young. I couldn't. I have a hard time now and he's 13 years old! It's hard to be a working mom. I'm not talking about job, but a career (let's face it, there's a difference).
When my son was growing up I worked at a preschool and he came with me. I was a full time mom, even when I was working.
Now that I'm working a "real" job it's just so hard to juggle it all. I feel sometimes that my son is missing out. I can't participate in all the school activities like I used to. I can't attend every field trip like I used to. It makes me feel so guilty. The fact of the matter is my husband used to be the bread winner in our family and I didn't have to work. That is not the case anymore. This economy had hurt us financially. I was lucky enough to land a position with a company, and I've put in a lot of time and energy and earned a large raise and promotion. I love my job. I feel very confident that this is my career now, and I will eventually retire from this line of work.
But whenever I think of my son I feel an incredible amount of guilt. I feel sick to my stomach sometimes because I feel so guilty. I have flexible hours, so if he's sick or has something going on I can always attend. It's the best of both worlds, but I still feel guilty.
I'm sure part of this is because he's getting older and he's more interested in girls and friends than he is in his parents. I know this. But I can't help feeling like he's missing out.
Guilt. It is a parents worst enemy. It makes you allow behavior you know isn't right. It makes you buy things you know you shouldn't. It can make a rational parent act crazy.
**By the way, no news from my brother's doctor yet. I take that as a good sign. **