I'm OK with not having another child. I know that it's not going to happen for me. I know what the doctors all told me. But the truth is that every time my period is late I get a little hopeful. Even if it means I could face serious health consequences, even though my husband is 50 and I'm 34, even though my son is going into high school, even though I have two grandchildren, even though I'm unemployed right now and a baby would be a huge financial burden, even though the doctor advises against it, even though I don't have maternity insurance... even with all those things the truth is I would be ecstatic if I found myself accidentally pregnant.
I deep down want another baby. I've accepted that it's not going to happen, but that doesn't mean I don't want it.
It's a strange place to be but it's where I am right now.