We were once close friends. We met in high school, and had some great times together. After graduation our lives took different paths. I had a baby, she went to college. She was the maid of honor in my wedding. We've stayed in contact, but have drifted apart over the last few years. When you have a baby at a young age it's a strain on the friendships with your childless friends. We had fun when we were together, but we really didn't have anything in common anymore. We still talked, but not everyday- or even every month!
I sent her an email when I lost Brenna. I let her know what happened. I tried to tell her how serious it was. Her response? "Sorry to hear that". When I next saw her I had just had my tattoo done, and showed her Brenna's name on my foot. She didn't even comment on it. It was painfully awkward.
It would be a year before I saw her again. This time at her wedding. (To a man I had never met). She looked fabulous. We talked for awhile. The friendship was still there. Like we hadn't missed anything. I realized I missed her.
She sent me an email a few months ago. "I wanted you to know. I'm pregnant. We're not telling people yet, but I wanted you to know." I congratulated her. I was truly happy for her. I am happy for her. She's waited a long time for this.
Last week she asked me, "Can I ask you about Brenna?" I said "Of course". She told me she's been thinking about her a lot these days. Now that she's pregnant. Now that she knows what it's like. She told me she has been looking at Brenna's pictures on my facebook. She asked me a lot of questions. I told her the whole story. We talked for a long time, and it felt good.
I suppose I should be angry at her. Bitter that she didn't acknowledge my pain. Didn't offer a shoulder to cry on. Ignored the whole situation. I should have cut her out of my life long ago.
But, I can't. It's not her fault that she doesn't know. If the tables were reversed I can't say I would have known what to say. I doubt I would have rushed to her side. Unless you've been there you have no idea what it's like. I can't fault her for not knowing what to say or do. She didn't mean to be heartless- she just didn't know!
And I hope she never does.