IT WASN'T ENOUGH

I only had 75 days with her.



It took my awhile to find out I was pregnant, because the thought seemed so crazy to me. I hadn't even considered it. It wasn't until she was making me vomit every second of every day that I realize I may have a baby in there.



I did.



75 days later, I didn't.



I don't cry everyday anymore, but I still cry.



It just doesn't seem fair.



I am happy with my life right now, but I can't help but think that it shouldn't be like this. It should be different. She should be here. If she was here, life would be very different right now. I can't help but think that.



75 days just isn't long enough.

HAPPY SWEETEST DAY

(Does everyone celebrate Sweetest Day or is that something we celebrate only here in the North?)

"I love you not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you. I love you not only for what you have made of yourself, but for what you are making of me. I love you for the part of me that you bring out." - Roy Croft

"Whatever our souls are made of, mine and his are the same." - Emily Bronte

BRENNA...

I'm remembering you today, as always.

OCTOBER

I'm still here. I just don't have much to say these days.

I'm sure it's because October 15th is tomorrow, but I've been missing Brenna lately. I find myself actually feeling angry that some terrible people have 10 kids easily, and some good people can't have one. I am having a hard time with it, and I think it will always be something I struggle with.

My friend K's husband is not doing well. He is off the vent, but the doctors are not very hopeful that he will have any sort of qu.ality of life. My heart is broken for her. It's strange. Four months ago when her babies were born I would have switched places with her in a second. Now I wouldn't want to take her place in a million years. Funny how life changes in the blink of an eye.

I'll be thinking of you and your babies tomorrow. I will be lighting a candle at 7pm, and thinking of all of you.

MOURNING

How long are you supposed to mourn? This is something we have all thought about. Will something always remind us and make the wound fresh again? Is this always going to be a part of me? Is this how I am now? Forever?

Today I'm going to direct you over to Heather's Dad. He said it better than I ever could.

SHAME ON ME

Shame on me for not saying Thank You earlier. I've been wanting to thank Crystal Theresa for remembering Brenna. It was such a thoughtful thing she did for us. It really touched my heart.

THANK YOU!

THE SEARCH IS OVER

I finally found a car. We picked it up yesterday. I didn't really want a red car, because I owned a red car for two years and I recieved 3 speeding tickets (once I wasn't even speeding- honestly!). I've owned my silver car for 5 years and got zero speeding tickets. (Even though I speed way more often now than I did then!). While I love the color, it wasn't my first choise. But this car had everything I wanted (and then some) and the price was right. I couldn't pass it up.

Isn't it funny how a thing like a car can just make your day week?