Sunday, November 29, 2009

THE OTHER SHOE

I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. The last time I was this content with my life was the day before all hell broke loose with Brenna. I remember going to bed on Monday March 3rd, and thinking how lucky we were. I actually remember thinking my life was damn near perfect. The next day I woke up sick, by nightfall I was dying.

It hasn't been the same since.

But, lately, life is good. I am content. I have come to terms with the fact that I probably will never carry another child. I don't love it. But I'm OK with it. I like my job (Just got a promotion even- and a raise!). My son is doing well is school. My stepdaughter and grandson have moved back to our state. Things are just great.

So I am nervous. I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. The last time I felt like this it was ripped away from me. I'm afraid to be content again. It scares me. I don't want to lose it again.

An updated on my niece: she had the baby Wednesday night. They had a memorial for her yesterday. She chose to have a small, private memorial so I didn't go. I still haven't spoken to her yet.

1 comment:

JenJen said...

Try to enjoy the contentment, my friend...

I hope you are able to speak with your niece soon.