I didn't realize it's been two weeks since I've posted anything here.
That infection really kicked my butt, and I have just now began to feel better.
The truth is I haven't had much to write. I have things I want to write about, things I think about. But when it comes down to typing them out I go blank.
My step-daughter is struggling with extreme morning sickness during this pregnancy. She was on a clear liquid diet a few weeks ago and had to resort to methods other than pills to stop her vomiting. When she was pregnant with her son I was so excited. We talked about the baby every day, and we shopped all the time. This time around I don't feel the same excitment. That's not to say I'm not excited, because I am. But I feel distant this time. I'm afraid that my distance during the pregnancy is going to mean I'm distant when the baby comes, especially if it's a girl. (I have a feeling that this baby is a girl.) I am afraid that I will not love this baby with my whole heart like I do my grandson. I know that once I see the baby I will fall in love. Logically, I know that.
But I can't help worrying that my relationship with this baby is going to be affected by the loss of my own baby.
I can't help but worry.