July 25, 2008

That is the day I guessed my daughter would be born.

That is tomorrow.

We had an online pole going, and it was fun with everyone guessing due dates and such.

No one guessed March.

No one saw it coming. Especially not me.

This weekend is going to be hard. My husband's class reunion is tomorrow, and we had not planned on going because I was supposed to be big and pregnant, and I expected to have my baby. We still haven't bought tickets, and even though my husband wants to go, I don't think I can. I can not muster anymore fake smiles. I have used them up.

Dammit! Just when I'm feeling up, this has to happen.

I had put it out of my mind until today when someone mentioned tomorrow's date. I hit me right square in the chest. I'm sure she thought I was a lunatic because I stared into space thinking about my due date. I had to fight the tears from coming, which is unusual for me. I am not a cry-er. She was at the funeral but it's been too long, and she's forgotten. Everyone has. I think my mom and I are the only ones who remember.

My husband has been mad for a few days about something stupid to do with a club he's involved it. Today I really got pissed because I thought, "How are you so mad about this, but not about her?" I just don't understand it. He thinks I'm over it too. He thinks I'm "Doing great". How can I share a home with someone who is so oblivious to my pain?

I must really hide it well.