MY BROTHERS AND SISTER

I have four brothers and one sister. I can't tell you how important they are to me. I do not know how I would go through life as an only child. My siblings are so important to me.

Can you see how utterly miserable my brothers look in this pic?

When I was in the hospital having surgery, my sister dropped everything and drove an hour to be with me. She went with my mom to see Brenna even before I saw her. I think about that all the time. It means a lot to me. My brothers came the next day and spent a long time with me. They also bought me tickets to my favorite band the summer after Brenna died. I was totally surprised (and I'm not easily surprised!). They did it just because they love me. :)

I always know that if I ever need anything they will drop everything to help me. We can all count on each other. I live an hour away from most of them (my one brother lives even further away), but we make an effort to talk or see each other often.

We don't always all get along, which is to be expected with six siblings, but we always stick together. My sister and I are the oldest, and I've (we've!) always taken care of "the boys". My youngest brother lived with us for awhile and after he moved out my husband asked me who I was "going to mother-hen to death" because (apparently) I always need someone to take care of. I guess that is what happens when you have so many younger siblings, and grow up taking care of them.

Also, something I always forget about, one of my brothers and my sister are Japanese. I never really think about it, and when people meet my sister for the first time they look at me like I'm insane. I always tell her she's adopted (she's not- their mom is Japanese). My sister was born in Japan, which I think it's kind of cool.

MY HUSBAND

I met my husband when I was 18. I was still in high school. You've heard the story before. Anyway, I did not think he was the man I was going to marry.


But it was the best decision I've ever made.


We've been through some really rough times. Loosing his parents, and our own child among them. But we've always came out together.


I know people always say that their spouse is their best friend, but he truely is my best friend. He knows me better than I know myself. Last month I told him I thought my period was coming because I thought I had PMS. He said, "I'm the first to know. I know before you do." It was meant as a joke, but it was true. He knows what I'm thinking without having to say it. He just knows. He "gets" me. And I'm not an easy person to understand.

We don't always get along. Sometimes he really pisses me off. But almost loosing me (when Brenna was born) really has made him realize how much he loves me, and our relationship has strengthened because of it.

MY GRANDSON

I was 28 when my step-daughter had her baby. Everyone laughed about me becoming a grandma so young, but it is one of the greatest joys of my life. At the hospital when he was being born, I kept going into the bathroom and crying because I was so everwhelmed with emotion. I loved my stepdaughter, and I knew I was going to love her son, but I was not prepared to fall in love with him. The minute I held him I was in love. And I still am.


He's 3 now, and he comes over everyday when his dad is out of town for work. He calls me GG (which has a back story that I will not share because it's embarassing!). I can always tell when he is tired because he wants to cuddle with me. That is when he loves me the most- when he's tired. I eat it up. He doesn't really call my son Uncle Brendan. Instead he calls him My Brendan, which my son loves. He really loves his nephew, and brags to all his friends at school that he's an uncle.


People are still shocked when I tell them I'm a grandma, but it doesn't phase me anymore. I love being a grandma. I wouldn't mind if she gave me another grandbaby! (Hint, hint!)

MY STEPDAUGHTER

My stepdaughter is 23. Her mother passed away shortly before I started dating her dad. I was only 19 and not ready for what that involved. It was a rocky start. There were times that she really didn't like me (especially when she was a teenager!). I made a lot of mistakes. I was young. Too young to be raising a teenager. But, we made it through. We are great friends now. Especially after she had her son. We deffinately grew closer when she was pregnant, and I love that little guy so much.

There aren't many people I trust, but she is one of the few people in this world that I know I can count on, and she can say the same about me.

I am proud of our relationship because not everyone gets along with their step-parents. We made the choice to get along, and in the process we've really grown to love each other. It has nothing to do with her dad. I would love her whether I was married to her dad or not. She is one of my closest friends.

MY SON

I have been reading a few older posts of this blog, and wow, how depressing! The bulk of my posts are about Brenna. How I miss her. How I love her. How my heart breaks for her. I realized that I barely ever write about the son I have here with me! He is but barely a mention on this blog, and that really isn't an accurate picture since he is such a big part of my life. In fact, he is the main part. Originally, this blog was about Brenna. But, as the title hints, this is actually a blog about my life. Life without her. But life just the same.


So allow me to introduce you to my first born. His name is Brendan, and he is 12. He goes to a private, Christian center school, that we love. He is very smart (and I'm not just saying that because I'm his mom!). He effortlessly gets almost all A's in school. In fact, school is so easy for him, that when he does have to actually study something he doesn't know how to do it. That is something we are struggling with. But, overall he does very well is school and really loved his class!


He play many sports. He is active in almost every sport that is offered to us. He isn't a world class athlete, but to be honest my husband and I are just happy he's active. He's a video game/computer fanatic! He will sit at the computer all day if we let him, so we're happy he has other interests.


He just competed in a music festival and his school got top scores on everything. He was so proud. Also this week, he ran an 8 minute mile- the fastest in his class! The younger kids were out to watch them run, and he said they were all clapping and cheering and giving him high fives as he crossed the finish line. Definitely one of his proudest moments!

So now you know a little about him. The biggest part of my life.

BLOOD

There is something very close to my heart that I think about a lot. Something that makes me emotional just talking thinking about it. Something I owe my life to. Make that someone. Make that five someones. Blood donors.

I donated blood once in my life. That was back in high school, and I did it to get out of class. I've never taken it seriously. Never thought about it. My husband donates all the time. The Red Cross calls here reminding him when the nearest blood drive is because he's a regular. I didn't see what the big deal was, and never really took the time to do it.

Then I needed blood. I needed a lot of blood. If I didn't get blood my heart was going to stop beating. I was dying. Five units of blood later- I was living again.

I often think of those five people. Did they know when they donated that they might be saving someone's life? Do they wonder where their blood went? Do they know I owe them my life? Am I the only life their blood has saved?

I often say a prayer for those five people, who I will never know. I ask God to bless them, and to watch over them. I pray that they will never need blood like I did.

I haven't been allowed to donate blood since my surgery. You have to wait a year after you get a tattoo, and it hasn't been a year yet. But, without a doubt, I will be donating blood every chance I get.

THINGS I DID THIS WEEKEND

Went to an 80's Festival where I paid $10 to 80's-ize my hair.

There are many things 80's that I have completely forgotten about. Remember technicolor clothes that changed color when they got warm? How about fish net muscle shirts? Alf? The Smurfs? There were plenty of things I have completely forgotten about.

Went to my son's volleyball tournament. Yes, his school has a boy's volleyball team. He loves it.

Went to eat at the restaurant I worked at in high school. Can you say nostalgic. Nothing has changed. The seats and tables are the same. Same food. Even the same light fixtures! Of course, it's only been 3 years since I was in high school so what do I expect, right. Right?

Got very angry when I discovered that (for the umpteenth time) my huband fed the dog out of my $35 Tupperware bowl. Threatened to feed the dog out of his tool box.

Decided to take a long nap because I was very cranky from lack of sleep.

Edited to add: Everyone keeps telling me with my hair like that I look like Deb From Napoleon Dynamite.

I don't see it.