MLK

My favorite Martin Luther King quote:

"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy."

This is on a plaque in my living room. I read it everyday. When I am faced with a tough decision, those words always run through my mind.

COMING TO TERMS

My cycles have been crazy these past few months. One month my period will come as expected, the next month is it will be two, sometimes three weeks late. This last time it was late of course the thought of pregnancy crossed my mind. For a moment I felt a little excited, but mostly I felt afraid. I don't know what a pregnancy would mean for my health, because there is no way to tell how my scar will hold up. There is the distinct possibility my uterus would re-reupture. A pregnancy would be high risk. My rupture occured at the top of my uterus, an area that is the thinnest part of your uterus to began with. It would be touchy. I would have to be monitored closely, and most certainly have to deliver early.

Besides the health aspect, the fact of the matter is I like my life how it is. I don't really want to chance things.

Of course if we had a baby, I would love it. That goes without saying.

But I'm happy now. I'm content with it, and I've learned to cherish what I have.

It's taken me awhile to accept. But I've come to terms with the fact that another baby is not in the cards for us. And I'm OK with that.

HURTING

My friend J (who recently lost her husband) is having a very hard time. She can't sleep at night, and when she does she had nightmares. I've been talking with her, and she told me yesterday that she thought she was going crazy. "You're sad! Not crazy." I told her. She said she didn't expect it to hurt this bad. She told me some days she feels great, and some days she doesn't want to wake up. Everything reminders her of him. She doesn't know how she's going to go on.

I could relate to everything she was saying.

I knew what she was talking about.

I know she is hurting, and I wish there was something more I can do for her. But I know, like many of you do, that the best thing I can do it listen.