The truth is there is no answer to the "why". I do not believe God gives or takes babies at punishment or rewards. I do not believe I was being "taught a lesson" (although I hope to learn from this experience). I think the truth is, shit happens. Yes, I believe God is in control. But I don't think He took Brenna because I am a bad person, or because I am being punished. Just as I don't believe that freak in the laundry mat was given a baby as a reward for all his good deeds. The fact of the matter is, it was her time. Of couse I wish her time would have been when she was an 80 year old grandma, but it wasn't. Her time was meant to be short on this earth. There is nothing I can do about it. I can not change it. I have to stop asking the eternal question "Why?". The answer isn't because I did bad things or good things. The answer doesn't have anything to do with me.
The answer is: Because it was her time.
And that's OK. Well, it's something I'm learning to be OK with.
I started this blog in 2008 after the stillbirth of my daughter. Now it's not just about loss, but about life.
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