LET ME CLARIFY

Wow. I had no idea that sharing a few links about a fake deadbaby story would cause so much commotion. Let me clarify. I did not spew hatred or say anything negative towards anyone. All I said is who would do this (a question) and that I was speechless (a statement). The title of the post itself was a question! I really see no reason for anyone to lash out at me. I have not really followed that blog, and I don't know the specifics. I was just astounded that anyone would think of doing such a thing.

For the record, I think that all "b" has to do to prove herself is to post a picture of herself with her baby. If someone were saying that my dead child had never existed I would flood my blog with pictures and proof of her existence. I wouldn't retreat and delete my blog.

But that's just me.

SHOCKING

I don't want to share specifics because it's not my story to tell, but something scarred the shit out of me today. Someone suffered her second uterine rupture and lost her second child this weekend. It really freaks me out. I can't even imagine it happening twice! I really just can't imagine. That is my worst nightmare.

A FAKE DEADBABY?

Who in the hell fakes their own babies birth and death just to get attention?

This person has left me speechless.

http://littleaprilrosequestions.blogspot.com/

http://littleaprilroseisfake.blogspot.com/

http://littleoneapril.blogspot.com/

7 Things

Lindsay nominated me for this award.

I have to list seven things I love, and seven bloggers I love.

Here are my seven things

1. I love God. I am not a perfect person. I sometimes swear. I like to drink beer on occasion. But, I love the Lord. I sometimes wonder where He is leading my life, but I always know He is leading it.

2. I love my husband. There is no doubt in my mind that he is the person I was meant to spend my life with. Sometimes he irritates me (like a few days ago when he left the gallon of milk on the counter all night!) but I would not trade him for the world. I know we are an odd couple. I know not everyone thinks we "go together", but I really don't care. He has a tendency to be kind of a jerk at times- but never to me. He has a soft spot for me and I know- and love it!

3. My kids. Everyone always says that being a mom is their most important job but I really feel that I was put on this earth to mother my children. I love them more than words can even express.

4. My grandson. He is the light of my life. I could not love him more if I gave birth to him myself. I thought it would be weird being a grandma so young, but I love it. I wouldn't change it for the world.

5. My family. My siblings mean the world to me. I have so much fun with them. I couldn't imagine being an only child. My mother has sacrificed so much for us. There are a lot of things about my mom that I admire.

6. My dog. She's a shih tzu that we rescued 10 years ago. She's 11 now, and I already get sad when I think about her not being around anymore. I love her like a child. I really mean that. I love her. She's had her moments though- like when she killed a kitten years ago- and the summer that she ripped out every screen in our house- but she's over her issues and is a wonderful dog. I half jokingly tell my husband that I'm saving her DNA to clone her. If I had the money I would seriously do it.

7. Shopping. Let's face it. It's at the top of my list. I love shopping. I love a good "deal". I live near an outlet mall, and it's had disastrous consequences for my checkbook. I can't remember the last time I paid full price for anything. I never pay retail. If it's not on sale, I won't buy it. One time I bought an office chair (the one I'm sitting on right now) for $50. The receipt said "You saved $149". I still have that receipt. I was so proud of it.

Seven bloggers that I love

JenJen- My uterine rupture sister

Katie- who loves people even when they don't deserve it.

Reese- who wrote my favorite post ever

CLC- who gave me good advice as the beginning of this journey

Kristie- the first DBM I met

Christine- my DBM guru

Aunt Becky- just because she's funny

I'M A CRAPPY DEADBABYMAMA

I have a confession to make. I am a shitty deadbabymama. I am embarassed to tell you that I have not been a very good mom to Brenna. I rarely go to her grave. In fact, I just went there for this first time this year. The last time I was there was, I think, October. I just hate going there- being there means it's real, and I like to pretend it's not real. I think of her daily, but the longer it's been since she died, the longer I think of her in an abstract sense. I never say her name, calling her The Baby instead. When someone does say her name it's like a shot in the gut to me. My son has never been to her grave. I've only went there once with my husband, and that was the day we burried her. Today when I went I immediatly looked away. Like turning my head made it not real. I remember doing the same thing in the hospital when the nurse tried to show me a picture of her. I am so embarassed to tell you this, but she still doesn't have a headstone. I just don't want to face it. I've looked online, and I know what I want, but I just can't get myself to go and buy one. I feel like the worst mother in the world. It is my job to honor her, and I am failing at that. If it wasn't for the things my mother bought her, she would have an unmarked grave. Holy shit, I am really feeling horrible now. I feel like I am doing great, but I'm not so sure. I don't know if it's healthy to be in this much denial.

Eight

Mrs. Muelly Tagged me.

THE RULES:Mention who tagged you. Complete the list of 8's. Tag 8 other people.

8 THINGS I AM LOOKING FORWARD TO:

-Summer

-Going to Hawaii next year.

-Remodeling our house. New drywall, carpet, doors, etc. Can't wait!

-School getting out this Friday for my son.

-Getting my bonus from a big project at work.

-Planning a family vacation this summer and actually being able to go!

-Spending time at our cabin and getting things accomplished there.

-Convincing my hubby we need a new puppy!

8 THINGS I DID YESTERDAY:

-Put out approximately 8,792 fires at work. (busy day)

-Took my son to scouts.

-Went to a meeting to represent a committee I chair.

-Got bitched at by one of our local crazies.

-Forgot my dad's birthday.

-Watched the Season Finale of Medium

-Cooked dinner for my family

-Downed three beers and felt much better after that hellish day!

8 THINGS I WISH I COULD DO:

-Make babies.

-Speak another language fluently.

-Spell.

-Fly in an airplane without freaking out (the flight to Hawaii should be fun!)

-Breath. I have really bad asthma that seems to be getting worse. Life would be so much easier if I could breath when I need to.

-Cook really crazy-good food. I'm an alright cook, but I'd love to be able to make real cheescake like my sister does. Takes ALL DAY and I just don't have the patience.

-Grow my hair long. I keep getting it cut for some reason. Don't have the patience to grow it out.

-Go back in time and relive a few great moments of my life.

8 SHOWS I WATCH:

-Law and Order

-Real World/Road Rules Challenges on MTV (I'm addicted!)

-Monk (I heard this is the last season. I'm crushed)

-Psych (love the 80's references!)

-Medium

-House

-The Soup

-The People's Court (my mother-in-law got me hooked. She's been dead for five years and I still DVR it so I can watch it when I get home!)

8 FAVORITE FOODS:

-Spinach breakfast thing at a local restaurant. So delish!

-My mom's chicken and dumplings

-Lobster bisque soup from Joe's Crab Shack. Yum!

-My grandma's homemade noodles. Haven't had them in years. :(

-A good cut of steak.

-Pasta anything

-Salmon that we cook on the grill w/ a special recipe. I could eat it everyday.

-Greek salad. Or, actually any salad.

8 PLACES I'D LIKE TO TRAVEL:

-Florida again. Been there of course but would love to take Brendan again.

-Chicago again. Probably my favorite city to visit.

-New York city. I've never been.

-Mt. Rushmore. Brendan has asked to go and I would love to take him.

-Washington DC. I've never been here either. B's class will be going in two years.

-Europe. I would love to take two or three weeks and just explore.

-LA- just to see what all the fuss is about.

-Some place in South America- like Brazil. I'd love to see the rainforest.

8 PEOPLE I'VE TAGGED:

Katie at When Hello Means Goodbye

Mrs. Spit

JenJen

Mrs. Mother

mom to 2 Boys + ? at Forever Tyler

Breanna

Courtney at Life in the Polar North Defrosts

Funsize

YOU MAKE ME SMILE

Breanna awarded me this award a while ago. I have to choose 10 blogs that make my heart smile!

I'd have to say my 10 favorite blogs are (in no particular order):

http://mrsmuelly.blogspot.com/

http://lilyangelinesmommy.blogspot.com/

http://rainbowovermybrokenroad.blogspot.com/

http://pleasegivemebackmyheart.blogspot.com/

http://www.jennepper.com/

http://bustedbabymaker.blogspot.com/

http://letterstoronan.blogspot.com/

http://namesinthesand.blogspot.com/

http://www.mommywantsvodka.com/

http://noswimmers.blogspot.com/

Take a few minutes to check them out. They might make your heart smile too!