MONDAY MINUTE

I saw this on Motherhood The Sequel and decide to give it a go.

Has anyone you've known personally lived to at least 100?

My husband's grandfather lived to be 100. I did not meet him, he passed away the week we started dating.

What material possession do you value the most?

Let me put it this way: If my house burned down tomorrow, the thing I absolutely could not replace is Brenna's memory box. Those things are precious to me, and while they are probably worthless money-wise, they are the thing I treasure (along with my kids baby books). Second would be my wedding band, followed by a ruby dragonfly necklace from my mom and a ring from my hubby.

What do you think happens to us after we die?

I completely believe in the bible. I think we go to heaven or hell.

Most embarrassing item in your house?

I don't really have anything I'm embarassed to own. I do have a few things I'd be embarassed if someone found. Let's just say the belong in the adult toy catagory. 'Nuf said.

If you could rename yourself, what would your name be?

I would leave my first name as it is. (I've actually grown to like it). But I would change my last name to just my husband's last name. I hyphenated when we got married, and now I wish I never did that.

IT'S A MIRACLE

Don't start jumping up and down my friends, I know you're thinking I'm pregnant. That is not the miracle. It's that I found a bathing suit that looks good, feels good, and is pretty darn comfy. I bought a MiracleSuit on Ebay, and I was more than a little nervous. The last time I bought a bathing suit I want to no less than ten stores (literally), and tried on at least 30 different suits. This time I bought it on a whim, and I have to tell you I am SO happy. This thing fits like a glove- sucks me in, pushes me out, and smooths me out in all the right places. I highly suggest you go check them out.

LETTING GO

When I was growing up we used to play outside with the neighborhood kids until the street lights came on. We could run around our 2 square block neighborhood all day, and my mom never thought twice about it. Once the street lights came on we had to come home.

I live in the country and we don't have street light. We don't eve have "blocks". Well, we do but they are mile on each side. Not exactly what my mother had in mind.

When he was little my son learned to ride his bike in the driveway. We don't have sidewalks.

He got a new bike a few weeks ago, and wanted to ride it today. He wanted to take off and ride down the road. We live on a main road, and it has a fair amount of traffic. I couldn't force my 13 year old son to ride circles in the driveway. He's growing up! So I told him where he could and couldn't go, and off he went.

I watched him ride out of the driveway and down the road, and the way I felt you would think I was watching him leave home for the last time. "Look at him" I whined to my husband "It's so sad!" I couldn't see him anymore and everytime a car passed I'd think "I hope he stays to the side of the road".

He was gone for maybe five whole minutes.

My baby is growing up.

I'm getting gray hair.

I SING

I've mentioned this before on this blog, but I've noticed it again lately.

I used to sing in the car all the time. Anytime I was alone (because I suck. No really, I should only be allowed to sing alone!) in the car I would sing my heart out. I know the words to almost any song that comes on the radio. If I am mad or nervous it made me feel better. If I was excited, singing made me happy. I just really enjoy it, and I would belt a song that fit my mood.

I realized about six months ago that I don't sing anymore.

I haven't since we lost Brenna.

Lately, I've caught myself singing again. At first it was once in awhile. Now it is all the time. I don't know what this says about me (if anything), but I like to think it means I am moving forward.

I've really missed singing my heart out.

MOM GUILT

My son is 13 now, and he is at that age where he really doesn't care about me anymore, and would rather be with his friends. When I try to spend time with him he blows me off most of the time. I hate it.

It doesn't matter what I do in regards to my son lately, I end up feeling guilty. Lately my guilt centers around the fact that I feel guilty that he can't have friends over as often as he would like because I work. I don't know what my problem is, but I have been feeling so guilty lately it's ridiculous!

Does anyone else with kids feel this way? Is this normal? Why would I worry about something so silly?

I may be going crazy.

BLUE!

My grand-baby-to-be is a boy.

I felt a sense of relief and excitement all at once. And I immediately let my guard down and fell in love.

I have been pretending to be OK with the fact I was convinced she was carrying a girl- all the while envisioning myself having a nervous breakdown at the hospital when I hold that baby dressed in pink for the first time. I was afraid I would not love her like I love her brother (and I am so in love with that little boy!). I did not know ifhow I would handle it. I was scarred shitless.

Since finding out he is in fact a boy, I have not felt any anxiety. I have felt nothing but love, and I can feel myself becoming bonded already.

I can not wait to meet this little guy.

UPSWING

My grandma is in a rehab facility right now. I went to see her Tuesday night, and she was in good spirits. I think she actually liked being with other people her age. She seemed to enjoy having people to talk to all day. I was nervous to go there because I pictured the nightmare that we were forced to admit my mother in law to the week before she died. (It was awful, it smelled like pee and people were just sitting around the halls in wheel chairs drooling on themselves.) This place is nothing like that. It's nice and clean, the people are friendly, and Grandma is well taken care of. It was such a relief.

Also, my brother had a spinal tap last week, and the doctor isn't meeting with him until July to go over the results (I know, right?). I'm guess that if it was something serious he'd be seeing him right away. So I'm feeling better about that also.

Now, if I could just get the bitch at work under control...